Yo FOBD, you know, I can really relate to you, first, the Pink Floyd reference, right there I know you have some cool in you. The other thing is the drinking, it has been one of my demons for many years. When this first started my W and I did go to a couple of counseling sessions together. The C was obsessed with my drinking, basically making it the whole reason for all of this. Truth is, in a lot of ways she was right. Almost every time my W and I had a fight, there was drinking involved. I got mad, I yelled. I never got physical, but I know I scared my W. Then, when she left, I realized how much I did scare her. She was afraid to come by the house by herself. She was afraid I would hurt her, she was also afraid I would hurt myself. That really made me think. I say all of this, and I still haven't stopped drinking. I think I have even tried to kid myself on how much I currently have it under control. Basically, I am not getting "drunk" anymore (ok, a couple times), but I still find myself having a drink more often than I should. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know how I understand that part of what you are going through. Not saying you have a problem with alcohol, just admitting that I do, and I understand how it can be (improperly) used to cover up other problems.
Anyways, I just realized all I did was jump in your thread and rambled on about myself, I have a bad habit of doing that. Hang in there man, bad days come and go. When you feel the worse, all that means is better days are coming.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
The other thing is the drinking, it has been one of my demons for many years. When this first started my W and I did go to a couple of counseling sessions together. The C was obsessed with my drinking, basically making it the whole reason for all of this. Truth is, in a lot of ways she was right. Almost every time my W and I had a fight, there was drinking involved. I got mad, I yelled. I never got physical, but I know I scared my W. Then, when she left, I realized how much I did scare her. She was afraid to come by the house by herself. She was afraid I would hurt her, she was also afraid I would hurt myself. That really made me think. I say all of this, and I still haven't stopped drinking. I think I have even tried to kid myself on how much I currently have it under control. Basically, I am not getting "drunk" anymore (ok, a couple times), but I still find myself having a drink more often than I should. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know how I understand that part of what you are going through. Not saying you have a problem with alcohol, just admitting that I do, and I understand how it can be (improperly) used to cover up other problems.