Not Sure Which Way to Go

[downandoutintn]

So I completely screwed up tonight. I sincerely told her how I feel. I just completely looked her in the eyes and told her how I feel. I just folded. I am so disappointed in myself. I guess I just really love my wife too much to see her in pain. I guess I would rather put her first and me deal with the pain. I didn't pressure her about getting back together or anything like that. I just told her how I missed her. I just told her everything and now I am back in tears because I feel like I just ruined my chance. The only thing she really said was if anything I helped my chances because of the sincerity. I guess I just don't have the will power. I guess at least I still have my confidence and I know I can make it on my own. I know what it will take for the next person. I just hate that my kids are going to be pulled back and forth for the rest of their lives.

She had really began to think I hated her. She had even told people that she thought I hated her. Now her confidence is built right back up that I am right here waiting on her. Chalk it up to another bad decision that I have made in my life.

I don't know if this cost me my marriage but it sure does feel like it. I really felt like I had made some progress with her seeing what life will be like without me and from her telling me about how she was falling apart. When she left I could tell that she was not hurting like she was when she got here. I could see it in her eyes.

I guess I need to hang up my DBing since I obviously can't do it other than GAL and doing things for myself.