Eye of the Storm

[FellOnBlackDays]

MsRae,
I took some time tonight to read your entire sitch. My gosh, you have been through hell and back. For that I want to apologize to you for what you have been through and commend you for making it through.

That is quite a bit of stuff to digest, but I do think I can help you with one of your issues. My W and I met in 1995. We dated for some time, moved in together in 1999 and got married in 2001. Things were going well. But, in 2000, I lost my father to a very long battle with cancer. My father, who was once a very proud and strong man died very slowly and painfully over many months. On his last day, he only weighed around 120 lbs after spending much of his life around 190 - 200. He was frail and crazy from all the pain medication he was on at the end. On his last day, I had to hold him down while they administered IV's and a catheter because he was fighting against treatment. To this day, I can close my eyes and still see him looking up at me as I held him down. His eyes were screaming, "why are you doing this to me, son?" After his death, I found myself having to deal with his death and having to take care of my fiance', my widowed mother and two younger siblings. I never realized what happened to me.

The truth of the matter is that my father's death destroyed me as a human being and a husband. I was never the same. I did many of the things your husband did. What I didn't realize it that for 10 years, I was pissed about my father's death and I took it out on my W. She didn't give him cancer, she didn't kill him. But, each day, as I looked to put that anger somewhere, she was all to easily there for me to dump on. Before my father's death, I wanted kids. After, I said I never wanted children. Before his death, I wanted to settle down, get a good job, raise a family and live the American Dream. After his death, I could not party enough, drink enough, stay out late enough or be a big enough ass at times. My W, who I love more than anything in this world put up with it for 9 years. Last year, she had just had enough. Now, I am alone and in counseling for all of this. It makes me tear up to think that she stuck it out this long...

What is the point of all this? Please try to get your husband in counseling. My father was my best friend. He was the father that all my friends wanted to have. Watching him get cut down in his fifty's by cancer took all my faith and love in this world. All that was left was a cold, angry shell of a human being that destroyed his M with his irrational behavior. Now, let me be clear, there was no infidelity, no abuse, no drug use, no abandonment. But, I was a complete *ss to live with and I now know why she had to leave. My current S is my fault, no doubt.

My C has helped me to deal with my issues related to my father's death. They can help your husband too. Please try to get him to seek help. I started seeing a C four months ago and it has helped. If I had started this four years ago like my W asked me to, I would not be here today.

Please try to get him some help. It could make all the difference in the world...

I wish you peace and luck, sweetheart!

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD