It doesn't freak me out for him to tell me his woes at all. I like to be a shoulder to lean on from time to time. He acts so independent!! I would like to feel like he wants to share, like I am his best friend again.
I take everything personally. I make the worst assumptions about him. I have high expectations and become dissapointed very easily.
No A thank God!! He is very trustworthy. (so, why don't I just believe it??) I push him away b/c in psycho babble terms I am afraid of intimacy. I fear rejection and being taken for granted. I could go on and on. So, when things go well, I freak out. Like, we'll/I'll have a bad day and cause trouble, then a few days later we warm up again and things start to go well, then I freak out. How I held out those 6 weeks? I'm not sure! I really must go back and re-read my threads.
I'm not a huge fan of Dr. Phil anymore but according to him, I would be a bottomless pit.
Let me give some examples (as embarrassing as it is) of things I say/get upset about (in nutshells):
You don't compliment me enough You don't initiate sex enough You don't help me make plans/contribute to what we are doing for the evening. You don't care about me. You won't reassure/help me. I want emotional support from you. You don't initiate snuggling enough. Why don't you wear your ring when you are not working all the time? You get more dressed up when you go out with your friends than with me. All you want to do is sit on the couch w/me during the week. (He goes out with his friends 1-2 times a week)-you have energy for your friends but not for me. You stay out late on Wed. then I get your leftover tired scraps on Thursday. You won't go fun places with me. A girl in bikini top at party-Are you looking at her? You still like your ex-fiance (they remained friends and went to dinner together for a long time.) If he's at the bars-are you scammin' on other women? You don't tell me what you want. (he says the only thing he's ever wanted from me and has told me so many times is emotional stability.) You don't try hard enough for the r./you don't contribute to having romantic evenings. What did that joke mean?? Are you serious or just messing with me?? (can't take a joke/deal with his kidding) Saying "maybe" to sex is not cute. (he thinks this is playful) you don't act interested in me. You don't ask me questions. (Man of few words-does more listening than talking.) You don't want to be a part of my getting better. You call other people by their names but never call me by mine. (why? dunno. calls me darlin' sometimes or just comes into the room where i am rather than yell. he doesn't yell period-unless provoked in a big bad way) you don't tell me you love me/care about me anymore? do you think you can fall in love with me again? you said you would work on these things. are you going to? If I'm nice to you, will you be nice to me? You save your "fun" things to do for with your friends. You say you don't care about everything so I feel like you don't care about me/what we do...(He used to say he just wanted to be w/me, that it didn't matter what we did, and that all of our time together was special to him) You're making sexual inuendos to other women. You shouldn't do that. (joking/nothing major) You joke with other girls, but not me. You don't flirt with me. You're not showing compassion/giving me hugs and saying nice things when my feelings are hurt.
Ok, I'm slowing down now. In essence EVERYTHING TO ME=HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME.
Certainly this is very frustrating to him! And he gets hurt that I don't trust him, even if I say, "it's not you, it's me."
He's exhausted, he says he can't give anymore than he already is. He tells me to deal with it. I caused this prob., i need to fix it. He doesn't want to help/reassure me b/c i need to do it myself. (Plus C told him not to reassure me as it feeds my insecurities.) He's afraid to go to bars/parties with me b/c I've had many jealous fits. He feels spent. He just ain't got no more! But, I keep asking and pleading and crying that I want more more more!!!
