Oh sweetie, I am so sorry he is talking about your precious children like that. I pray he never lets your daughters know he feels that way.
Listen, he is rewriting history. It had to have been horrible and all your fault otherwise how could he justify what he is doing?
He cant be happy because he hasnt looked within. That is where the unhappiness lies.
I know that you feel like you had to set him straight, but, remember it might be falling on deaf ears right now. You are just spinning your wheels trying to get him to think logically.
My friend, you have grown so much on your journey. Please do not allow what he says to throw you off course.
Are you absolutely certain we are not married to the same man? My H also sneered at people after someone died arguing over what he called 'blood money'. Well he's arguing plenty now. And the death was our marriage.
OMG! The SOB is out of control! Is he going to talk to your 12yo and tell her how he feels? WHAT A JERK!
Don't buy any of it, seeking. Not one word. He is talking through his a$$. I know what he said hurts, but none of it is true. Mine said I MADE him adopt my two youngest children, his daughters.
He can't be happy becuz he isn't happy. He's stuck and he doesn't know how to get out of the situation he is in without looking like the fool that he is.
Stick to your guns, Seeking. He is finding out there is more to the woman he left behind than he ever dreamed there was, or pretended there could be.
Our D24 told me today that the reason her Dad looked the way he does is because he knows what he has done and he can't get out of it. She feels sorry for him, nothing else. Hurts me to say, but she is right.
OMG Punkin,my H said that I should spend the 'blood money' wisely because he would never be able to help me or the kids out again! He's been very good at helping the girls out, but in 17 months he's helped me twice. I've struggled through on my own.
I'm not sure why he thinks it's any different if it's in my hand or his? He will still be 'helping' us out.
Punkin, I certainly hope he never tells D12 anything and I don't think he would. The old H really loved his kids. I think he still does somewhere inside. He was an excellent Dad when they were little. In fact, he got used to my surprise pregnancy faster than I did! We both were excited about it after a bit.
Brook, I realize that it is falling on deaf ears right now, mainly because of his anger. There was just one thing I took him to task on because it was a lie. There were many other things that I wanted to let lose on him about, but I kept my mouth shut.
I'm not letting this throw me. I really have been expecting it, and wondered why it hadn't come before this. I hope he feels better having got it off his chest.
Hi, your h is very very angry, as you have noticed. He is focusing his anger on whatever is seeming to thwart him, and since he isn't thnking straight most of it is going towards you and your kids.
They say terrible things in their anger, things that never should be said, imo.
A wise poster several years back characterised MLCers as 'lazy, selfish and entitled' It is so true. They want ALL the money. It isn't about helping you out. In fact in our marriage I earned more over the years probably than my h [except that we didn't count but put it all together, as you do] as I set up a successful business. He still felt entitled to the lion's share of our assets.
Resented paying for the youngest to go to university [despite the fact we had supported the others through, and so on].
Now, 5+ years on, he is actually helping our youngest son through grad school [guilt, I think not remorse] but initially only on the condition that I didn't. We called him on this, and he backed down.
Money is all twisted up in their mind, they feel that their life should have been different, and if only they had been with someone else and not had the burden of children etc [insert whatever you like here that 'oppresed them'], it would have been different.
In the first place this is bs and in the second grown up people face up to their responsibilities, not ditch them and run. It is a flight from maturity to childish posturing, and threats and name calling. Sadly it is coming from the pen and mouth of someone who was once very different. It hurts until we see it for what it truly is.
H changed tactics, he suddenly was nice and caring. H tried his best to get me to take less money. I told H that there were things that we could negotiate on, but the money wasn't one of them as I needed it to live.
H changed tactics again and became a raving lunatic. Said some very awful things and started issuing orders such as that I should call my L right now and get half of the retirement out. My gut tells me there's something fishy in Denmark. H is really pushing this.
H went on to say that all I wanted to do was maintain my image off his blood and sweat. That I should go get another job and stop expecting handouts. He told me I was a lowlife and I should work for it like everybody else. (I do have a decent job that I've been at for 17 years) He said he knows I'm PO because he left, but I'd never get even. He rehashed the same old crap, but somehow he remembers it as even worse now than when he first said it as he was leaving. I got blamed for his stroke again and that I'd be responsible if he had another one. There were other things not fit to print.
I am so detached that the things he said didn't even really hurt that much. As Beatrice said, I see it for what it truly is.
SA they are awful when they spew - you are a class act. God alone knows why we have to go through this . . . The spew is a reflection of his inner turmoil I believe. Blame someone, kick the dog, blame the wife . . . .
SA - detaching from all of this is the only way...I'm glad that you see H's spewing for what it is. I just had some intense moments with my H today, when he seemed to hate everything about me one moment and half hour later was telling me that he loves me and misses what we had....go figure
Hang in there
(((hugs)))
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I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself the way you did, and for bouncing back as quickly and thoroughly as you have over the past few weeks. Everything has come at you at once and you have withstood it all.
Keep standing tall. He is probably boggled as to where the sweet little pushable Seeking went. The new you probably has him more tripped up than he cares to be.
If you are able to look at him with a bit of humor, which you apparently are, it's easier. I know. ((HUGS))
Glad you aren't riding the crazy train with your H!!!
He is frustrated that you aren't doing what he wants you to! Good for you! I am looking up to you guys as I am sure I will be going thru the same thing here very soon!
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