Karen,
After reading over your thread, it is obvious that you have a grip on what is not working in you M as well as a good deal of insight into your own personal issues.

It also sounds like you might be suffering with some form of depression - possibly clinical.
Have you addressed this possibility yet?

Having said that, I would suggest that you start with making some minor changes for youself, just a little at a time to start with.

If I might, I would like to suggest one thing for you to start practicing right away.

Okay...catch your H doing something that is a positive for you. Then look him in the eyes and tell him with a big warm smile "I like that" or anything else that is short and warm. Then let it go.
Short, simple and sweet.

He needs to feel that he is doing something right and that he can make you happy.

Okay? This is your assignment if you should choose to accept it.

Jeannine