snodderly, thank you for the response. as far as sharing a bit more...he left in 09 saying he wasnt happy, i didnt appreciate him, worried about money, i wasnt nice, same reasons i heard this time. He was gone for 3 months and came back. he was also very distant then, little communication but atleast there was some. our kids were younger than and i think that was one reason he came back. he even said this time, that his dad left when he was very young and didnt want his kids not to have a dad. He doesnt realize tho in their mind they have lost their father. When he came back 9 yrs ago it was like walking on egg shells for quite awhile. i always had it in the back of my mind he would leave again if i did or said the wrong thing. there were suspicions of ea's back then and he did not like it whenver i would bring the topic up. i used to hear , "there you go throwing that in my face again." i guess he didnt realize his actions had consequences. so moving forward to the current situation, we have had our ups and downs. he isnt what you would call a great communicator. He holds things in or would tell the kids your mom is mad again or she isnt talking to me again. I admit there were times when i probably didnt appreciate him as much as i could have or been as nice as i could have. but i had my reasons. it seemed other people mattered first over his family, H would go and help a friend on a saturday after he worked all week and would miss visits with our granddaughter. he was unaccountable for alot of his time away. Would plan yearly trip that i didnt know about then tell me right before he left saying he told me all along. (i do know that he went on these trips with his friend.) Yes i would think there was someone else at times and he didnt like questions about that. he thought by buying things for me or taking the family out for nice dinners that would make up for his actions. Then of course we all got accused of him just being everyones ATM machine. so before he left this time we had been in a major cold, silent, period with each other. i suspected an EA and after he left it was confirmed. He said it had no bearing on his leaving that he listed all the same reasons why he left 9 years earlier. He is very distant now. only text. he has gone to visit the OW several times because she lives out of state. He filed papers this time. Yet i got blamed for that. I think he does have a sex addiction of some sort. Frequented porn sites alot and didnot like that i questioned him about that. It seems he lived a life in a house for 29 years and was totally unhappy everyday of his life here, if you ask him. the OW makes him feel nice. i have so much guilt now. i keep thinking why dont i have a chance to make this marriage work. That i am too a nice person. How disposable this marriage is to him that he leaves without trying. So i dont know if he picked up where he left off 9 years ago or not. This time i am very afraid that he wants to end this although i want to fight for it.
