Cindy, thanks for the input. My h fits some of these descriptions, but not all. He is very much aware of my moods and emotions. In the beginning, he was very caring, supportive, reassuring, etc. We also talked before we got married-he said that previous gf's had told him that he wasn't very emotional. I asked if this was something that he wanted to work on b/c it is important to me. He said yes. We also talked about romance and keeping love alive so to speak. He seemed to agree w/me and understand that is was important to me. He also asked me what he could do to be a better lover. (He's fantastic and takes great care of me in this regard), but I did offer one suggestion-that he flirt or say little things to give me something to think about. Like, can't wait to get home later, or something like that. But he has not done this. Why did he ask?
He was pretty expressive when we first started dating and even in the beginning of our m. He fell in love with me very quickly, asked me to be his gf, and was ready for m before I was. He told me he loved me all the time. He was not real good at complimenting me, and worked on it and got better. But, I continued to berate him, so he stopped. He does believe that he can be that person again, that he just needs time and to do it on his own time, NOT MY time.
He wants to be close and intimate, but I push him away again and again. For those 6 weeks, things improved a lot. At the end (before I freaked out and backslid all the way down the hill), he was openning up to me and suggested something romantic and expressing desire.
What makes me freak out is being close to him. I felt like I had completely opened up to him and was totally accepting and adoring him, then WHAMMO! I lost it. As Dr. Phil would say, I created what I feared. I pushed him away so he became unsure of his love (or commitment) to me. He is best friend worthy, totally trustworthy and is the best listener I have ever known. (Until he kept hearing the same bi!ching over and over and over.)
He has been quite patient with me and really wants me to get over my fears. He wants me to believe in him and trust him. I have seen him show emotions. Right now he thinks that I can't handle my own, so why should he share his with me? He can be very supportive and he doesn't just try to "fix it" as men are stereotyped to do.
Now I feel like I am defending him, but it does help me to feel greater appreciation for him. I did tell him last night that he was doing really well letting me know what's going on with him and that I appreciated it. But, as people say, action speaks louder than words.
