Counseling is out of the question. He refuses and I'm not going to push it.
I asked him out on the date. That didn't go so well. Forgot to mention that. I mean he said yes but you know it was like when the TSA people ask if they can give you a colonoscopy. I mean you say yes, BUT really you don't have a choice.
Now, we spent a lot of time this weekend hanging out and not talking about R issues. But for us, that wall is still there.
He's just very up and down at the moment. Tough roller coaster.
I'm not so sure that you shouldn't push the counseling thing... but you know H better than me (hopefully )
Ok on the date thing... forget it then...
wait a week or two and then plan your own date... tell him what you are doing and that you'd 'love' for him to go along... if he does fantastic... if not, you go and still have a good time...
I don't think that you should forget your own GAL here LIS...
He will wonder what he is missing out on if you follow through...
Somehow we've got to figure out how to crack the ice bw you two...
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
hey lis love the lingerie stuff! what a joy to feel good about yourself by the way, i know that's something that men love confidence, no matter what size you are
have you gone to the fb page there is a great article of the 12 ways to talk to a man pretty insightful i loved it and even commented on it you should check it ou that might help break the ice
No way on the counseling thing. It was making him angry. He really fears it. No way I'm pushing that further.
The ice thing definitely needs to be fixed. What you are dealing with here are two very stubborn, very strong-willed people.
This morning, he was reaching out to grab me. This afternoon, couldn't care less. So some meds might help that too, right??? Maybe some kind of anti-psychotic??
Seriously, though, just trying to have more of a sense of humor about it. It helps me from snapping!!!
I'm so dang happy for you! I know it's so hard dealing with those ups and downs. Denver is right about not feeling any pressure about the R. I think that's a huge part of the GAL - stop putting pressure on yourself about it. I also look at it as for our S to get that LAST feeling of getting out, it may be a rather large event. It may not but I doubt that you GALing and occasionally including him (more as a friend) and not putting pressure on the R, will make him leave for good.
I'm trying that approach at least. I seem to have a more and more willing partner each day but I am NOT bringing up any R talk just yet. Let it simmer.
LOVE the lingerie (of course, cuz I'm a dude). You KNOW it's eating him alive inside. ESPECIALLY if you look hot. HA! I LOVE IT!
Let me say, be prepared for those ups/downs even throughout the day. BUT let me also say, a TON of that is in your mind. Both the ups and the downs.
I've been posting quite a bit more on the piecing thread but my example was when my W sleeps on the furthest part of the bed possible. In MY head, she's rejecting me. In reality? She's freaking SLEEPING!
This stuff drives you nuts sometimes.
By the way, I do check out that FB page too and comment from time to time because I will take any kind of help I can get these days.
stay strong, sweetie!!!
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
Well, I kind of exploded a little while ago. Remember I work with H. We have a major project due tomorrow. All department leaders (of which I'm one) have items to report out. He's got everyone's stuff done but mine (he's in finance) and he was trying to push me out until tomorrow. I LOST it. I told him that it wasn't ok to put me last. That this is a constant thing with him and I was tired of it.
Was I right? Yup. Was I stupid for doing that? ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Being right might have cost me dearly.
Seriously, someone needs to tie on one of those shock collars to keep me in line.
Ugh... should be an interesting night. Wonder if he moves back out?
Just got caught up with your sitch. Haven't been in here in a while and I miss all my BITS.
GODD FOR YOU in doing some retail therapy. I'm all about that.
In terms of the counseling, I agree that you shouldn't push it. My H refused to go as well even prior to our seperation. I had suggested it many times. What I read in one of my many, many books (can't remember if it was DR) but it said just because your S doesn't want to go to therapy doesn't mean it's a bad thing necessarily. It might be your way, but your way might not work for your S and they will just see it as more of the same, nagging, manipulative behavior. The book recommended to go seek it on your own.
I am a firm believer in therapy. Mine certainly kicked my butt in the 8 mos I went to her and I am so grateful. I still wish I was able to go to her, but insurance restrictions no longer allowed me to.
Don't be hard on yourself girl. You know backsliding is part of the deal. Rome wasn't built in a day. Behavior modification takes time and patience. But the next time (if there is a next time) I will tazer you! :-)
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Retail therapy has been awesome and I don't spend money on myself like EVER. But I'm doing some Zen therapy and its working wonders!!!
Not buying a lot of clothes. Trainer said I'll go down another size so I'm waiting for that!
Thanks for the encouragement, Gypsy. It's hard working with him right now because I would have called anyone else to the curb and wouldn't have cared, but it's more complicated with him. For 12 years, work was work and home was home and we were great about never mixing them. I'm mindful right now, though, those rules no longer apply. So I screwed up and I can't do that again.
Ugh...
He did come home but is holed up in his office. It is what it is. I knew that I messed up. I definitely need the tazer!!!
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