Rue, Whether it is mlc or your h just wanting out, you would continue to apply the DB principles...live your life as if he's never coming back.
Mlcers, as Jack has pointed out, have lot of confusion and often act like they are pinballing all of the place.
Also, if your h left 9 years ago, he could very well have begun mlc and then was interrupted and has now picked up right where he left off.
I know it's difficult, but could you share a bit more w/us?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
