My H took his ring off the first time he left in Dec. 2009 and hasn't worn it since. I have his ring and wear it on a chain. He knows that I want to keep it and he seems to be fine with that.
I have been wearing mine to this day. When the D is final, I imagine I will have to stow away my gorgeous engagement ring. I have made the decision to continue to wear my wedding band and maybe his too on the same finger. I have already made the decision that I won't be selling them. I am going to just put my engagement ring in a safe place for now. Hopefully some day that all the rings will be back where they belong.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
My W took hers off soon after the S, wore it a couple of times while visiting relatives that didn't know our sitch but hasn't worn it since last fall. Hurt like hell for a while but I got used to it. Sits in the original ring case in our medicine cabinet.
I finally quit wearing mine about two weeks ago for two reasons. First, the M we had is over. Hopefully we forge a new one and I do see a lot of hope for our sitch. Second, and more practically, it doesn't fit me anymore since I lost 15-20 pounds. Don't want it flying off my hand as I'm walking.
W has noticed but not said anything directly. She has, however, commented that she hopes that if (when) she wants to get back together that I haven't moved on by then. Said this a few days after I stopped wearing the ring. Coincidence I'm sure.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
My Wife took hers off the day after she told me she wanted a divorce, I haven't seen them since. I am not sure what she has done with them, not in the jewelry box where she usually keeps them, I asked her once, and she said "I still have them". Mine has been off and on, and I am undecided at this point, I sometimes take it off when I leave the house, just to see what it feels like not to be wearing it. Do I ask her for them back if she files for the divorce, so she doesn't go pawn them? Any one have any comments?
Me-43,W-41 Married 18 years Together 20 years S12, S13 Wife EA - 3-2009 Reconciled WAW-9-2009 Reconciled again 2-2010 Bomb- 12/30/2010 Asked for a Divorce 2-8-2011 BITS
W took off hers a week before she was planning on filing for D. She had the habit of taking it off whenever we had an argument. She left it in our clothes drawer for me to find when i came back home. I don't plan on taking off mine. Besides my ring also has a stone that is supposed to ward off evil eye. Right now i do need that power
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
The way I understand it is the rings are a gift to my spouse, so she may do whatever she wants with them. It has a shared emotional connection between the two of us, but she calls the shots. So if she chooses to leave them behind, then the ball is in my court. I will keep her rings for awhile, then we'll see what happens.
At some point you need to stop crying and feeling sorry for yourself man.
Rings are just "things", as are all the cards, exchanged gifts, the items you bought together.
I know it is hard not to feel sentimental and sorry for yourself in a situation such as yours, but now is not the time to wallow in the past, it is a time to start anew, with you as the raw ingredient.
I am sorry again if this sounds harsh. It surely does when you are hurting. I can only tell you that despite not knowing you, I really do care. I want you to overcome. I want to see you grow strong.
Please be done with this thread and get back to your main one. Decide to do this, or decide to continue feeling sorry for yourself. Just please do it soon. If you want to have a shot at changing her mind, you must change.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
Just please do it soon. If you want to have a shot at changing her mind, you must change.
Lately with all that's going on - with everyone that cares advising me to file first, fight for my son, to call the authorities, to protect myself, do this, do that -- I forget that, like you said, I DO have a shot at changing my wife's mind, and the only way I can do that is care about me. I need to get back on schedule - work out, eat well, sleep well, play well, hang out and maintain accountability with friends, GET A JOB, be an awesome father, among other things. Thanks for the shot in the arm, Mike. I might need more of them as Saturday draws close.
My wife is still wearing hers. I did notice one day that it wasn't there. She must have seen me look because she looked down at her hands and said "Where is my ring". She had taken it off to put lotion on her hands.
I told her she should sell it to help her out and she said no, she loves her rings.
I think I'm going to have mine resized and wear them, of a reminder of the promises I made. Call it defiant optimism.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
