Just was walking around the house and noticed photos and other memorabilia not where they used to be. We set some of those pictures in pairs, like her family and mine, or pictures of her and myself when we were kids...well, hers are gone now. So are some of the things that remind me of our time in college together, her childhood, our hard-fought experiences of getting her to and being in medical school, etc. I hate seeing white on walls where there used to be color and memories. I can do some decorating of my own or move stuff around, but should I do it while my wife's gone, so when she comes home she'll be wondering what I've done to the place? Or do I wait after she moves out? She'll still see what I've done when she drops and picks up my son. What do you think?
UPDATE 8:03am Today I'll be inquiring from the PD how things work from their POV concerning my wife moving with my child to an undisclosed location.
Because of this move my wife has taken, some friends and family have been advising me to file first, rather than wait for my wife to do so. I'm torn because it's my son I worry about vs. what DBing is all about.
Karma, i'll be out that day, it's decided. In a couple of months it'll be my turn to move out since I can't afford to keep it. In the meantime, it'll be one huge quiet, lonely house that used to be filled with some semblance of love, joy and laughter. I've always been a family guy and I hate the thought of being single again.
You know the first day after she moves out will be hard. I know it. Especially after you see things gone. I think i spent good 2 hours trying to figure out what she took and what she left. Funny, i even tried to interpret the meaning of things she took and left behind. Later i gave up. There's no hidden meaning. There's nothing. But honestly as time goes by you will get used to it. Took me a week. I still cannot go into my daughter's room without breaking down. So i dont go in there. But eventually we'll get used to it. It'll be okay. Think of this as another challenge that god places before us.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Karma, i'll be out that day, it's decided. In a couple of months it'll be my turn to move out since I can't afford to keep it. In the meantime, it'll be one huge quiet, lonely house that used to be filled with some semblance of love, joy and laughter. I've always been a family guy and I hate the thought of being single again.
You know the first day after she moves out will be hard. I know it. Especially after you see things gone. I think i spent good 2 hours trying to figure out what she took and what she left. Funny, i even tried to interpret the meaning of things she took and left behind. Later i gave up. There's no hidden meaning. There's nothing. But honestly as time goes by you will get used to it. Took me a week. I still cannot go into my daughter's room without breaking down. So i dont go in there. But eventually we'll get used to it. It'll be okay. Think of this as another challenge that god places before us.
Sure makes you wonder if this is God's way of teaching us a lesson (or two) for our neglect, as well as watching our spouses (and families) make a fool of themselves.
My wife seems to be leaving everything that has connections with me, e.g. Gifts, books, pictures, cards, wedding gifts, baby seats, etc. Some of what she's taking with her kind of infuriates me, such as some of our son's clothes that HER family or friends bought. I mean, he still will be spending some days with me, so why can she take the nice clothes, and leaving me with older crap? I guess she's thinking what's hers is hers, which in this case, is rather childish. It's our son's clothes, for crying out loud.
My wife moves out on Saturday, but already noticed that she dumped some lingerie in the trash (which many of them, coincidentally, were my faves). Ugghhh, this is tough. She actually seems to be looking forward to her move. Yes, she might grief and all for awhile, but she and her friends/classmates are so tight of a group, she might never notice how much she's missing out once she moves out. My wife thrives on being independent.
My wife seems to be leaving everything that has connections with me, e.g. Gifts, books, pictures, cards, wedding gifts, baby seats, etc. Some of what she's taking with her kind of infuriates me, such as some of our son's clothes that HER family or friends bought. I mean, he still will be spending some days with me, so why can she take the nice clothes, and leaving me with older crap? I guess she's thinking what's hers is hers, which in this case, is rather childish. It's our son's clothes, for crying out loud.
You know some things dont change i guess. My W did the same exact thing. Anything that had to do anything with her or her family is gone. She everything that ever belonged to my daughter. I somehow thought that she might leave some toys or clothes behind so that when my daughter comes home to me she'll have something. Instead everything that was my daughter's is gone. That's been the worst part. Then she tells me that she had to sell off lot of my daughter's stuff because there was no place in her parents house. Seriously seemed childish. But you know what, if my W wants to dig a hole now, i'd rather give her a shovel than try to talk her out of it.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
I say start moving stuff around, start filling the gaps. I did when my wife took things and it made me feel good. I also early on removed all of our pictures together, I did not need those staring at me, it did not help me focus on what I needed to focus on.
TBH, I have our house looking better than ever! I hung up new artwork, rearranged the furting, hung curtains, etc. It made me feel good. Create a comfortable sorrounding for yourself. Blank walls and spots pictures or furniture used to be will only remind you of things that won't be productive in achieving your goal.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Do you see any possibilities with your wife yet, or is it too early in the process to tell? I'm sorry you're in this mess. I truly hope our wives' hearts soften...they eventually do, just a matter of when. I hope she wakes up sooner rather than later, of course. I suppose it's normal for all WAWs to act or behave like they're on an extended or long overdue bachelorette party. Can anyone second that?
Oh Man, my W cannot wait for the 60 days to finish for her to divorce me. She's gotten all the info she needs. Her lawyer is drawing up a draft final decree by weekend. She says she wants to this to be over by 1st week of march. She's planning on starting her new work after that.
Honestly i have given up on stopping this inevitable train. I am trying to look beyond it. But i am dreading the day i sign those forms.
I just don't want to miss out on my daughter's life. All the little cute things she does. Its not the same bringing her over for 2 days in a week. Somedays i am so angry that my wife robbed me of my experiences with my daughter from the time she was born. She had this habit of visiting her parents once a month, staying there for a week. I just let that happen thinking that she needs a break.
I just hope that at the end of this ordeal we all find happiness and peace.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Called the PD and asked them if I can file a report of my wife taking my son to an undisclosed location. They said not unless there is a court order or if it's in violation of a parenting plan. As long as there is no legal documentation, they can't do anything. The person I talked to added that personally she thought both parents should always know where their child is. She apologized for my situation.
