Hi Pam & others,
Thursday night did not go biking/hiking. I came home and h was hem-hawing & then it got to be too late. He asked what we were doing & I told him that it was too late. He thought it started a half an hour later than it does. I init. and he responds. We went to eat and to his mom's to pick up our camera.

Fri. I worked late b/c I found out I can take M & T off
so I wanted to finish up a bunch of stuff. I called and asked if he wanted to come up there and go out to eat. He met me, dinner was ok. Then we come home and he's falling asleep on the couch. I ask what he wants to do. (We had talked about seeing a band but realized it was one that he doesn't like.) No decisions, so I take a shower and ask again. He shrugs. He keeps saying "I don't know."
me: Do you want to stay home?
h: shrug
me: Do you want to go out?
H: Shrug
me: what's wrong? are you talking to me?
h: nothing is wrong
me: (trying to be patient and not hit my head against the wall.) Um, when will you decide what you want to do?
h: shrug
pause pause pause pause... i look at the camera manual make a couple comments
H: what do you want to do?
me: i would like to go out
H: and do what?
Me: have a beer, play darts or pool, see a band, see a movie
h: we don't have a paper
me: we can call...i get phone book
h: we don't have to see a band
Me: ok
pause...
H: so?
me: so what?
h: what are we doing?
me: well, i suggested a few options. what would you like to do?
h: (finally) well, we can go to a bar and see if any tables are available.
Me: cool, where?
he names a few places, we decide where to go. pool tables are occupied, get a beer, sit...i try to make convo., h is v. non-communicative. I ask questions and get short answers. I wait for him to talk to no avail. I even smile at him and he doesn't smile back. So, this is pretty painful. I'm trying really hard not to get upset. We finish beer and go home. Earlier I had tried to snuggle with him and he grumbled, so i didn't try when we went to bed. He didn't snuggle me, but fell asleep.

This morn. I got up first and got on puter. H gets ready for work. he has a few min., so we chat. I put on my cheerful face and make small talk. h seems a little better, goes to work.

OK, so I know that I f'ed up and now he is distant. I've just shot myself in the foot! I don't know what to do. We've had talks about me being frustrated b/c he won't help decide what to do for the eve. I'm j & mad b/c he doesn't have trouble with his friends, and he always seems to muster up the energy to go out and stay out til 2am.

He told me a couple weeks ago that this is what I get. This is all he has to give. I cannot expect anything from him. I need to accept this, but it feels like crap. I keep wanting him to make effort for our r, (and getting mad in my head at him), but I'm the one that is screwing things up. So, now he is WAY back in his shell. For a while there (the good 6 weeks) we both bounced back relatively quickly.

I figure we are going to be spending a lot of time together with our days off and xmas, and I need to put on A SERIOUS MAJOR ACTING AS IF hat. He could easily go back to believing that things are not going to change, and think about a D. I do NOT want that to happen!

I know that I need to feel better about myself regardless of how he treats me. I guess that is the key right now (and always). I have lots to do today. I would like to put up our tree. I keep asking h when we are going to do it and he says "whenever." HOW can I do a 180 on this???
I thought about what Sage said, to just start saying, "i'm going X, would you like to go?" But, instead I wait around for his hem-hawing and get frustrated. I suppose I could start putting up the tree myself and see what happens. he'd probably see me fumbling with it and help.

++he told me if i was out today to stop by the shop & he would replace a burnt out taillight on my truk. Now, see, he does stuff like this! Like Pam said, he is putting the effort in in his ways. I told him thanks, and prob. will.