sorry i haven't been around much and i have so many threads to catch up on i just hope everyone is ok and things are progressing the way you all want them to.
weird few days
i thought maybe i was making baby steps, but i'm not so sure now yesterday, my h came over to take s out for the day while he was here he took a shower walked past me in his briefs to go outside to trim his nails
i thought that was odd behavior
when they got back, he said he was staying the night as he and s were driving to california this am i told him i was going out with friends and he asked me what time i was coming home and to text him when i was on my way
when i got home he made a point to come and talk to me for a bit and to tell me a funny story about s
they left this morning and he called a few hours in to tell me that s is having a great time
now reading this back, it all seems like something normal people would do, but because of our separation, i guess i am always looking for signs that he is turning
so, dear friends, thanks for letting me share this truly boring stuff i guess i'm just journaling here better here than in an email to him
The mundaneness of so many of the conversations while we were separating would drive me nuts! Like how can you be talking to me like it's Thursday when in reality it might be the LAST THURSDAY of our life together! I couldn't handle it then... but now I realize that that is when you DB! Talk to them like your life is on track and don't take the bait to argue. None of these things did I understand until it was too late (its never too late)
BITS
M 11/11/00 Bomb end of September 2010 Filed 11/9/10
If I knew what to make of it I would write a book myself and make millions!
I just mentioned in my thread a similar thing, all of our interactions are like things are normal!!! I guess it is because what we have here is a WAS that is moving on with their lives, and an LBS that is at the least pretending like they are moving on with their lives. Together, no conflict, everything is at peace.
I have to admit, while I feel like I am doing well concentrating on myself, of course I know I am still faking it when I am talking to my W. Everything is not normal for me, but that is how I act. I am guessing that is true for most of us here. If we were truly detached, if we did not want things to be different, we probably would not be here. So that is our journey. Find ourselves, help ourselves, deal with an incredibly sad, terrible and painful situation in the best way we know how.
It is hard, it is confusing, it will test our patience probably more than any other thing we do in our lives. What I can try to do is find solace in that. Feel good about myself for dealing with such a terrible situation in a positive way. I think we all need to remind ourselves of that. We are all very strong and determined people. If we were not, we would be taking the easy way out. Trust me, this is NOT the easy way out.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
grr-totally fine to puke up your insides here. We don't mind. I think some actually like it (those sickos)
lemme let you in on something that will help you tremendously. Don't read into everything. Some things just are things. Daily things that are mundane. Getting the paper in the morning. Putting dishes away.
You'll drive yourself nuts (wait, drive?) analyzing all of it.
Let some of it just happen. I promise, you will enjoy YOUR life much better.
(remember to smack me with this when I go the other way)
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
grr... even in your pain, you crack me up!!!!!!! Yup, don't read into everything... WAY EASIER SAID THAN DONE. And what might seem mundane to one of us, might be truly significant to you. That he called you midway through the ride? Yeah, I'd say that was a positive thing. Don't underestimate these small things. I think all of us are sitting around waiting for these grand gestures... it isn't going to happen. So, in my opinion, take stock in the small positives!!!
that post led me to a question. My W and I share the same therapist. BUT we haven't seen her together in a while. The T has been pretty open and not really taking sides - I can see she IS making us fight for the marriage.
I did wonder if it were good to have one therapist but have us each see her separately...
thoughts?
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
grr, Sounds like his little underwear party may have been a test. Women aren't the only ones to try to flaunt it. I just keep going back to the stuff the WAS that I interviewed told me. Throughout his period away, he hid it from his W, but he was miserable. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't work, had to see a counselor. He may be having some regrets and just wanted to see how you would react. Stay strong.
BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
