You need to learn those relaxation techniques. They are very important. They were a life saver for me after my rape because I was having panic attacks all the time.
Let me break down what I said to my H about him walking/threatening separation every time he got upset about something. I kind of set a boundary with him. I told him that I wasn't going to deal with it. I told him that it upset me. I told him that it tears us apart. Most importantly, I told him that if it continues, he'll be shown the door.
You need to forgive yourself for whatever breach you think you've made... being human? How terrible of you to be human
However, you seriously have to get this under control NOW. Prioritize yourself. Not your marriage. You need not inform your H about doctor appts. or other issues at the moment. Doing so only sets you up for a problem. Why do I say that? You are waiting for a reaction from him. Sadly, the reaction won't be exactly what you want. That just sends you back into another possible panic attack. The whole thing turns into a nasty catch-22. You can't stay there.
Sweetie, you MUST detach. I know that is scary. I know that is horrifying. I know it feels like the worst thing that could happen especially being together for so long. But you MUST. You need to find a way to be happy. I know that sounds ridiculous, but that is the way it is. I used to think, well, if this happens, then I'll finally be happy. Then "this" happened, but I wasn't happy because I still needed "that" to happen. "That" happened, but guess what? I needed something else. Right here, right now, what is going to make you happy besides a healthy marriage? You've got to get your brain in another place.
Big, big hugs for you, Angel. I know it's hard. I'm praying for you.
