Recovering after a same sex affair

[sparks14]

I could use a little help with my couples therapy prep. All ideas welcome.

Of course my W will want to start with co-parenting, so she will ask for help with new day care costs. I will tell her that I will of course pay for half of daycare. I will then bring up the separate accounts now that she has a new job. This may cause problems, but it needs to happen.

Since the fact that she is going to be looking for a place to live came up at the end of therapy last week, that will be readdressed. That mention caused me to break down a bit in front of her and on the way home, but I told her that I would be patient and support her decision.

I have been thinking a lot about it today. Going back to last Spring in couples therapy, there was talk of my W feeling trapped and almost codependent. Therapist mentioned that we do more things for ourselves to bring each other closer. I was very supportive of this. (Long before I knew of affair.) This is what caused me to tell my W at the time to spend more time with OW. In the Fall with the newborn baby and thoughts of postpartum depression, I actually supported her to spend the night with OW. I didn't want her trapped. When my W dropped the bomb in December and said she just needed some space for awhile, I supported her choice to stay with OW for days at a time with our boy. I thought that she just needed to figure her self out.

So now.... wife is not ready to come back home and wants space. I have to tell her that I will support that decision, let her live on her own, and step back. Detach.

At any point in tonight's session can I bring up the fact that it is hard for me to do since she has burned me numerous times with the same exact thing in the last year? I imagine I detach myself from that past and avoid it. I guess she will do what she eventually will want to do. That is a hard pill to swallow when you have been giving space and keep getting burned.

Ideas?