When life hands you lemons add alcohol and stir!

[MichelleLT]

I do show him in every way possible that I love and care for him without actually putting those words out there. I used those words on Valentine's day and I nearly had a heart attack.

Good for you for biting the bullet and doing it!!!!!!!!!!!

Talking about it would mean putting some sort of a label on this odd R we have which he does not want to do. As far as that goes, I view this as a day to day R with no plans for a future and no commitments. It's not an easy way to live because it's SO not me but that is what he wants and I'm still deciding if I can live like this or if I'm going to have to pull the plug.

I don't remember him saying that, did I miss something? I can see both of you being squemish about The M and D words beause of your recent history, but that doesn't mean he plans to leave at any time. Or that he views it as a day to day R.

If anything, his actions say FAR otherwise! He moved back in, he's spending time with you and Marc, he's contributing to the house, he brought you soup when you were sick, he got you chocolate covered strawberries and a sappy card for V-day. Guy DON'T do stuff like that if they're not "in."

Saturday night I had a friend over for dinner and a movie. During the movie Gabe texted me and it got a little sexy. We made plans for after my friend left.

This is great!!!

Things were great, we were having a nice time and then I don't know what happened but I moved some way and there was a horrible pain. I won't go into detail but you women know what I mean when I say it was like a tearing. I was trying to suck it up like a big girl and just continue but it hurt so bad. He stopped and said it was not a problem and he didn't want to hurt me. I was pretty upset about it though. I made sure to tell him that I was absolutely not upset with him, only with myself. I got up and went in the bathroom and cried for 20 minutes. Not from pain, but from humiliation and fear. Fear? Yes. Fear that this would be the reason he would walk away. The spinning in my head overwhelmed me with thoughts of how useless I was, I can't even do this one thing right. It was horrible and is continuing to upset me but I'm not showing it.

This part is horrible though. Sorry to hear you are hurting!! That is absolutely no fun!

Why would you be upset with yourself though? It's not like you did anything, just like he didn't try to hurt you. It was just an accident.

And guess what...he hasn't left. He hasn't left for any of the things you've said or done in the past MONTHS. Instead, he got you chocolate covered strawberries and a sappy card.

I know it's easier, feels safer, to stay a bit more distant. To try and stay in the mind set of not defining the R, not relying on him. But you are also locking yourself into this pseudo-R. Are you going to let your fear hold you back forever?