Piecing is almost harder than before...

[Bolt]

harrier, I think your feelings are completely normal. Dude, I feel rejected when my W rolls over to the furthest part of the bed away from me - how rational is that? BUT I can't help it. It does feel like rejection.

My W, for two nights, couldn't sleep and fell asleep downstairs. It was nothing more than, she couldn't sleep and didn't want to wake me up. She watches Harry Potter that puts her right to sleep. THAT WAS IT!

But guess how I felt? I felt like crap. Like she didn't want to be around me. I also felt that the only REAL time that I get to be physically close with her is when we're in bed and I get those "free" cuddles. I get to hold her tight then. When she sleeps downstairs, I feel robbed of that...then I have to wait an entire 24 hours again to MAYBE get that feeling.

That's where my emotional/irrational mind goes.

But here's where I try to make a difference. I then think rationally. I think of the times she DOES touch me - even if it was a couple of days ago. I also think to where we WERE just a few short months ago. Dude, she was out the DOOR! We have to keep that perspective.

OH and another thing about other people's situations (OPS) - they are NOT the same as yours or mine. Our's are all different. Believe me, I get that too from friends - ML is part of a good marriage - I can't believe she's not ML with you - You haven't even made out in a couple of months? That's not good.

DON'T LISTEN to these lies. These come from people in COMPLETELY different sitches. They are not in your W's head or in your head. Is it odd to me that my W after 16+ years can't even say ILY or want to kiss me passionately? Heck yeah it is!

BUT

I haven't sat directly in her seat for the past 16 or even 8 years when I was taking her for granted. When she was going through all of this emotional emptiness. When she was simply doing her "wifely duty" to not rock the boat.

That all is going to take some healing.

I'm looking at a long battle here and I have no timeline. Do I wish it were sooner? A certain part of my body says Heck yeah!! BUT the rest of me says, no.

Because I want us to grow.

Dude, I can tell you that even the last few days, my W and I have grown a TON in our relationship. She is starting to trust again - I CAN FEEL IT. She shared a VERY deep emotion with me - exposed it and I wrapped love around it. Ever since then, we have been emotionally MUCH closer.

I DON'T want to rush in there with my needs when she is still getting her fill. Look at it this way...we have had our needs filled for so long while they weren't. It's ok to let the seesaw go the other way for a bit, isn't it?

It still goes back to your question about time. My thought is this. One - don't put a timeline on it overall. That puts pressure on you and in turn EVEN SUBCONSCIOUSLY puts it on her.

secondly - look at where you have come from. I try to go by the every other-ish day theory. I try to see if every other day or so, if our relationship is getting better.

Little things man...yesterday my wife gave me this smile that I haven't seen in a LONG time. It lit my world up - AND hers. That is a little step towards fantastic things.

DUDE, you ripped her heart out. You then put it back in her chest. You can't expect it to be healed overnight. Think of it as physical therapy. She has to learn how to sit, crawl, shuffle, walk, and then run...it's long and painful.

JUST be THERE for her for that. I have a feeling we'll be getting so much nooky we won't know what to do with it...

(at least that's my motivation)

do you want a little now? or a TON later?