After hearing about the coaches here, I would love to inquire a real answer. My wife and I have been to marriage counseling locally for the last several weeks. It seems to be working okay, as my wife appreciates this therapist, and the communication is there.
Not trying to be sold here, what are the benefits of spending the dough to meet with a DB coach? In my sitch, my wife is not ready to completely reconcile, as she is questioning her own sexual orientation.
Thanks!
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
Country Thanks for posting about your DB session. Our situations are so similar, it sometimes gives me chills reading your posts. The chemical thing was Very interesting. I have never heard that before. Is there some type of pills we could slip them in a drink to speed up the process??
Well, all my back and forth on responding to my W over the weekend is over. She has my D tonight and tomorrow night and I have not heard a word.
One thing that is nice, these times and these situations, these nights, are getting easier and easier. I am much better at understanding what I can and cannot control. I feel good about what I am doing, I feel good about myself.
Really enjoyed a nice quiet night tonight, I needed it! I am also looking forward to my trip, I leave on Thursday.
Like I said in the other thread, stay between a 4 and a 6!
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Sparks, the DB coach really just enforces the methods that are in the book. I had so many questions on how to apply the methods to my situation, I thought it was worth the $$ to try. It has been worth it to me, although 3 sessions might not be enough. Like I said, the first was almost all background, then tonight we got to really apply things to my sitch. Now I only have one left. I know this will take a lot of time so I might need to do some more. Funny, I have always been the money guy in our marriage, and I was always the one to dictate "what we could afford." Now, money is not a huge concern for me! Hell, I even joke about it, everything is 50% off right now!
IW, I am flying out this Thursday to see a buddy of mine in NC. He is a BioChem guy, works for a drug manufacturer, I'll see what he can come up with!!!
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I hear you, Country_Song. I was just telling a close friend tonight how all of the therapy is adding up even with insurance. $240 a month for couples. $80 for wife and my individual. In the end, I told him it was the best money I every spent.
Right now, I would give up anything to save my self and our marriage.
I just wanted to make sure it was not some sort of money grabbing experience. Does that make sense?
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
Totally understand sparks, I am by nature a very skeptical person. I thought the same thing, didn't want to get caught up in a scam. I have also gone to traditional counseling. One thing I have found, the advice, encouragement, and information I have received through this has been better than anything I have received locally.
I even argued with my local C last time I saw her. My problem was, everything she did and talked about related to a situation where both people in the M want to work on things. I think a lot of C's get stuck when only one person is working on the M. The DB coach's get this.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I guess a goal could be her initiating some time together, but then I think that might not be a small enough goal. I need to understand what my expectations should be.
So one of your goals is to get your W to do something?
How much of that do you think you have control over?
How will you feel if she doesn't do that?
Define success for me Country.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Success would be having a happy and healthy marriage again someday!
I have my personal goals as well, but those I know I can control, so they are easier to define and execute. This process IS about M after all, so I do not think that having goals based on certain things I would like to see from my W as inappropriate.
The way I see DB'ing is you understand you only control your own actions, but you also realize how those actions affect others. We look back and see how our negative actions affected our M's, DB'ing is about replacing those actions with positives to move it in the other direction.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Country I read what you DB coach has said and I guess the best thing for me to do is to detatch and live my life. I have read something similar to the chemical thing being like a drug. I do hope in due time the effects of this drug wear off. But I will be divorced by the time most of this takes place.
I am a patient man and I am not sure on how dark I should be after reading what your coach said. So I guess it's trial and error for me in this crazy life.
Stay positive Country we will make it through this!
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
Well guys, this is not going to be an easy ride and in the end all the DB stuff may be for not except if you really are learing and getting on with your life. Are we guys? Are we becoming better people or are we just being door mats for our wives while they ride their fantasy worlds. I am so sorry for the negative slant. We had a holiday in Canada called Family day yesterday and it was tough for me. Its a relatively new holiday here in Canada.
Sorry I am venting on your thread.
I hope things go well for you Country and IW. I fear that I have reached the end of my rope.
I wish you much success for your DBing just dont take too much sht from the WAW as they contiue to be with other men.
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
