That is why I'm taking the boundaries class. And doing a LOT of work on myself. I, too, have childhood issues. And deep, deep deep down? I always felt unworthy of my H.
He is gorgeous, smart, driven, ambitious, funny...
He also has many issues. I didn't know until I started this journey just how many he had. He is HUGELY insecure for some reason.
Many of us have these similarities--we've accepted a level of care from our S's that is really below standard.
Why???
The answer to this is IMPORTANT!! This is OUR TIME to find out!
I honestly think that I may have trained my H to treat me this way. My H started to truly disrespect me. But here it is--I think I let it all happen.
All of it.
When our boundaries are crossed, there is anger. Anger at them, anger at ourselves for letting it happen, etc. The trick, and boy, is it ever tricky, is to realize that we LET them cross our boundaries and not get angry at either ourself, or them, but just go back and calmly put the boundary back up. Calmly state how you will be treated.
It's actually pretty simple! But since we probably didn't have it modeled for us, we don't know what it looks like--at least I certainly didn't.
Boundaries provide safety--people know who you are. My H doesn't know who I am right now. He thinks our 15 years together was a lie. I know why he thinks that now. I didn't state clearly who I am and now he doesn't have a clue.
Having good boundaries, and knowing how to handle what you will do when they are crossed...soooo important!
I am fascinated by my own journey, can you tell?lol. I welcome the knowledge of how I contributed to this. I want it all--the good, the bad, the ugly!! lol.
