How are you doing with the kids being gone? Hope you are keeping busy! Just wanted to update on my sitch...Let me know how you are too!!
I posted this on MLC board, and got no response, I am kinda over that board, no one ever really responds to me...I don't know why..But, I wanted to post it here and see what you think...
Just wanted to journal an update on my situation with XH...
He is still without a job, but is close, has a few offers coming in this next week and still interviewing. We have talked a lot about us all moving to where ever he gets a job or even back to the city we lived in but to a totally different part, at least 50 miles away from where we were...long story why..but I will not go back to where we were, it isn't a good place for me or my kids.
Last night when we talked, I said "we need to be in the same place for the kids" XH said "the same place?", I said "same town" he said "same place and same town aren't the same" I didn't say anythinig, just moved on, but could tell he wanted no part of living togethter in this new town...so that made me sad, but I know that is not at all where he is with "us" right now anyway, so not a shock.
Then we talked about S15 who doesn't want to move at all and XH said "D15 will be fine, even if he doesn't want to admit it, he needs me and I need him (his voice was kinda cracking and he was choked up)" I said "you need us too, we need you, I need you..not like that but to help me with the kids" XH said "you need me to (insert sexual reference)" I said "oh that too, but we all need each other" We both laughted.
As many know, XH and I have never stopped ML for very long thru all of this. I read all of the posts by "Butterfly" and her H and their restored relationship and dont' think this is as bad as I previously thought, her H said it did keep them connected and that he thought it was part of why he did come home...so I am not going to beat myself up about continuing to ML with XH when he is up here.
I am not sure what is going to happen, but I don't want to be back together with him on only that level when we live in the same town and him think he can just date and stuff right in front of me all while we are MLing on a regualr basis, it is different since we live 700 miles apart now. but if we are in the same town, I will have to be strong and cross that bridge when it comes. I will not give him any ultimatiums such as "we have to be together if I move to where you live" or anything like that, I am moving there for our kids to have their father in their lives.
I want to handle this all very carfully and make sure I do it as best I can and not push him away. I want to be his friend, but I don't want to be those people who say "oh, we are divorced and great friends, we get along better this way, we can't be married, we can't live together but are great friends apart...etc." I hate when people say that, it might be true for some people, but those people aren't attracted to each other anymore or something. I don't want to pressure him, I want it to be totally him who comes to me and says he wants to try to work things out and be a family again. I don't think it will be good or right if he does it cause it is what "falls into place" or because of finances or whatever the reason..I want him to want it so bad that he is willing to do whatever it takes...is that wrong? Is that only wishful thinking and that never happenes with and MLCer? I don't have any expectations really at all of this happening, and I guess that is why I set it so high, cause I really feel it isn't in him to do that. Because when we live in the same town he will get to see the kids as much as he wants, and I think that is a good thing, cause the kids need him in their life, but I am afraid he will be satisfied with just that and not feel the need to come home to me. Does that make sense? I will have to have very strong boundries and not fall back into being the "XW with benefits" and doing everything a wife does for her H, but he is still free to do as he pleases cause we are really D'd.
I don't know, I guess I am just doing so well, and am very proud of myself, I don't contact him at all and am fine with it, but he continues to come to me and tell me stuff...
I am rambling..so I will stop for now. Just so want him to WANT to come home, and I want it to come from him, and for him to process it all by himself and come to the conclusion that we love him so much and that he belongs with us..all of us, me included!
A
Me-40 XH-44 T-21 M-18 Div-19 mo. D-18,S-15,D-11 Bomb-7/07 EA,PA Mvd out-9/07-to give me space mvd back-12/07 mvd out-7/08 back with OW since 2/08 OW broke it off-1/10 in and out of tunnel and our life since!!
