Ugh. I'm sorry that you are so down. I really believe that you need to regroup and come up with another plan.
I know I've said it before and I know you like your C, but I don't. I think that him encouraging you to abandon your plans and divorce undermines you and ultimately brings you down further. This has really bothered me from the beginning.
I'm sorry about mentioning the clock starting 3 weeks ago without acknowledging that 5 months still hurts and as far as you were concerned 5 months is a very long time. But, as 2Step has said, we are in a marathon here. It stinks, I know, but that's the game.
Sweetie, I also have to agree that asking your W where you stand is not such a good idea. You think that you are prepared to hear the worst, but you're not. Plus, "the worst," which is definitely what is going to come out, really may not reflect reality as you continue to DB. So what's the point??
If you want to apologize, go ahead, but leave it at that.
As far as dim vs. dark, it's an individual choice. Like you, when things were not well in our marriage between H and I, I would go quiet and not talk. His annoyance with me about being distant was a constant issue and one that he still brings up. Putting this all together, I realized why the going dark thing was a disaster. And to be truthful, there was no real way to go dark as we still work together. But what I did, caused damage. Dim worked better for me.
FOBD, you need to prepare yourself here. This is probably going to go on for awhile. What are you going to do to get through this? What are you going to do to mentally prepare. She hasn't filed. She seems happy in limbo right now. So, what's your response?
Big hugs to you, sweetie. It's real easy to dish out advice, not so easy to follow it when you are in so much pain. I know that. But, you do need to pick yourself up because we aren't going to let you go down.
