My Story - He Cheated while I was Pregnant

[sparks14]

Thanks Sparks - it is truly shocking. I read something really interesting when this 1st happened - the article was geared towards men, but I think it applies to women too. When you're a kid and even early in marriage, you're the center of the circle. It's ok that life mostly revolves around you and what you want. But when a baby is coming/arrives, you (male or female) have to get out of the center of the circle. Some people are very selfish and immature and have a hard time doing that. That was my sister's take on all this. But I think with DBing and time, I've started to understand that you have to make time for each other. Your wife was probably really influenced by OW's thinking - who clearly is obsessed with the idea of a ready made family...problem is that it's your family. So, my thought, from the other and same side of the fence at the same time - your wife got something that was lacking in your relationship from this woman. My husband got sex from someone not preg/not planning on being preg and youthful/fearless admiration/flattery. What did your wife get? Probably unbridled enthusiasm about the baby coming and her changing body (possibly to a twisted degree), envy of her situation - that rush of ego that women can fall prey to, plus that addictive high a new relationship gives.

I'll have to catch up on your posts, but it's interesting (and painful - I feel for you) to hear the same story from a different angle.

For me, good things would be knowing you were proud of me for how I'd carried the baby/taken care of myself/gone thru labor/etc. Knowing you were glad, in spite of everything, about our son and were going to be there for him/reliable. ( A suggestion for this - open an email account for him. Send him little emails as he hits milestones or you think of things you want him to know. Keep it appropriate and upbeat - not a platform for lashing out against his mom or OW. Let her know at some point, so she can contrib too, if she likes. Think of it as an online baby book. Tell him about the day he was born, etc. He'll appreciate when he's older - do it for the 2 of you, not your wife.). That's all I have for you for now, but we do the email thing and it helps me remember good things/slow down and enjoy life, even with all the crap going on.

AJM. I am close to tears right now with your words. Thank you for recognizing the situation in the same way I do.

Your husband is out of his mind right now. I wish he would understand the family that he has now an truly embrace it.

My wife and I right now are in a very amicable and even friendly relationship (maybe to my fault), but she has a long way to go in finding herself. She, to my knowledge, has broken the affair. Right now, we are on a long road of rebuilding but not quit reconciling. Maybe this turns for the best, and we realize that our family was meant to stay intact. If the worst happens, maybe the healed relationship provides our son the best we can give from a broken marriage.

It hurts, though. I wish I could look at my wife in the eyes and ask her if this is really how she wants to love her life? Does she understand that 50/50 custody for the son that we both are in love with means that we miss out on half of his experiences? Not just the early childhood experiences but more for the rest of our lives.

It drives me crazy to think that way, and I am sure we share the same feelings. Our spouses acted so selfishly, but here we are trying to pick up the pieces.

I will keep an eye on your, sitch, AMJ. Thanks for keeping an eye on mine.

Take care of yourself.