Stuck Like "Crazy" Glue

[2stepboogie]

Scared;

When I saw my W in December she was not wearing her wedding rings either. I was furious and devastated, but I kept myself in check.

I know what it means to see it and know the feeling however have you considered that she is telling you the truth. Maybe she they were irritated, and maybe the grin is that of surprise instead of being evil.

All I am saying is don't read to much into it. You could set yourself up by thinking one thing when it is actually something else

[ScaredinCanada]

Well thanks 2Step, but it's too late. I just confronted her and told her that if she isn't going to wear her rings then she doesn't derserve to have them.

I told her that I wanted her to give them to me, and she just said, "Sure" and went and got them.

We'll see what happens next, I'm not in a good place right now.

SIC

[2stepboogie]

Scared:

I don't have to tell you that you inflamed an already hot sitch, if you don't know you will.

Stop reacting and think.

What do you hope to accomplish by making that statement?

How will that help your sitch?

[ScaredinCanada]

Not sure, but I'm sick of having no control over the sitch.

Decided (obviously in the moment) that I was going to set some boundries, one being that if she's not going to wear her rings - then she doesn't deserve and should give them back. I'm so sick of her crap. Why now? Why 90 days after the bomb? What changed?

Funny D5 just asked her why she doesn't have her rings on. Here answer, "Because Daddy took them away from her."

I told her that if she's not going to be honest, then don't tell the kids to make me sound bad.

Anyways, it should be interesting once the girls goto bed around 8:30.

[lostinscared]

Ugh... I'm sorry SIC. That's not cool at all what she told the children. Yes, it is definitely time to set some boundaries.

You have to diffuse the situation, though. Please do not do anything to inflame it, if you can help it. Do not react to her latest antics. Remember, we are here to be solution focused...

Please hang in there, SIC

I'm praying for you.

LIS

[Navyguy]

Not sure I'm in any place to tell you about setting boundaries...my W and kids are 2000 miles away...

I would not put up with being bad-mouthed to my kids, nor will I ever bad mouth my W to them. They love us both, and we love them, and nothing should ever be said that could cause them to question that.

[2stepboogie]

Not sure, but I'm sick of having no control over the sitch.

You have control over yourself......period.
You never really had control over the M throughout the 15yrs my friend. Neither did I. It is an illusion to think we have control. During our M we have the control our spouse allows us to have. Plain and simple. We just don't realize that until this happens.

"Because Daddy took them away from her."

Wrong. However, you can set boundries and not inflame. Your reaction says more about you than it does about the person that caused you to react.

[♪CS♪]

This just made me think of something else I talked about with my DB coach tonight, and I think it fits well here. Try not to let emotions spike or dip too much during this. Both positives and negatives should be taken with a grain of salt. As she put it, don't go from a 1 to a 10, stay between 4 and 6. Make sense?

[ScaredinCanada]

I don't think her saying anything to the kids is to bad mouth me, I think it's more of a self-preservation thing. I told her I don't appreciate it and that I don't think it's fair of her. She just said she'll be better next time, she just kind of reacted when my D5 asked.

After kids went to bed we sat down together to watch a movie. I asked her if she was going to tell why she really took the rings off. She just said she could have taken them off months ago, but just didn't and that there was no significance to her taking them off now, her dry sore hands just triggered taking them off - although she hadn't planned to put them back on.

Then she just said, "I'm not ready to work on US right now." I just said, "I understand, and I hope you know I'm not expecting anything to happen over night."

Then we just sat and watched the movie, we laughed a bit and chatted about some of the scenes - everything seeming almost normal at times.

5 days until she goes away, will be a nice break. Maybe it will help, or maybe it will make things worse - I'm not sure.

[ScaredinCanada]

So my W mentioned to me last night that I must have really low self-esteem. She says this is because she keeps telling me that she doesn't love me, doesn't want to be with me and possibly never loved me, yet I appear unfazed by it.

She figures that if I had better self-esteem I would left by now, found another woman, completely got onside with her and help expedite the end of our R.

Am I crazy? Is she right?

Personally I think my self-esteem is at an all time high. I'm just stuck with this feeling where I still love my W and I want the chance to work things out.

I just can't understand how she/they have no desire to work on things? That dream/fantasy must feel really good to them that she wants get rid of me??

Anyways, she has her appointment at the bank today, I'm sure she'll be in a fantastic mood when I get home (I'm trying to be sarcastic, because she isn't going to be approved for anything), so I'm curious what her next "move" will be?!

4 more sleeps until she goes away!! YAY!