You are 100% correct 2step, and that is the fine line I am trying to find.

One thing to keep in mind, my W was only 19 when we got together, she is now 33. Women can change a lot over that time. When we met she was a rebellious teenage. One thing she mentioned was that at that time, what she wanted was someone to "put her in her place." "straighten her out." Over time, she said that she changed, I had not. She now perceives my controlling behaviour has "holding her back."

BITS

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.