I have an in-law who was raised in a D family. The D certainly did not leave them friends. But I have seen many times when they came together in a cooperative way. When there was a M, the birth of children, etc. They never pretended to be friends, but for an hour or two, they cooperated for the sake of their child and grandchildren. It would have been the worst nightmare, and I'm sure they would have been cut out of some of those things if they had not been civil to each other.
You have it right. If there is a D and the two of you go your separate ways, you simply want to cooperate when these things come in the family.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
