Rolling with the punches

[Redo]

Thats a nice suggestion. Yup, never analyzed myself this way.

1: Confidence : Moderate
Why ? : I am usually a confident person when in comes to most things other than relationships. In relationships, i fall fall flat, especially with women. I cannot carry on a good conversation. I have this big fear when it comes to talking with women. Over the years i have improved by not fearing social gatherings. I can now move through crowds and engage in conversations.

Improvement: As i said, i can improve a lot here. I am introvert and most of my activities are introvert oriented. I am slowly reaching out by joinig some meetup groups and making efforts to go out with people. Not something i enjoy, but i am forcing myself here.

2: Physical strength : Low
Improvement: Not overweight, but definitely can stand to lose weight and dress smartly. W always said i dressed like a geeky engineer.

3: Mental, Spiritual: I do love reading and am spiritual. Not my high priority issues for now.

4: emotional, attitude : Low
Why : I guess this has been the crux of most of my issues. Now my W was the first and only woman i met. Now my parents always fought and i never grew up conflict resolution skills other than shutting down. I did the same with my W too. Recently i figured that i also text-book matched the case of the "nice-guy" syndrome. My life revolved around me making my W happy. If she was unhappy, i'd go down and would not be able to lift myself up. So whenever she was having her own issues, i'd make them my own and she'd end up helping me rather than the other way around. Over the years i have made some improvements, but the core issues still remained. After our daughter was born in 2008 and our family issues became bigger, i spent these years trying to figure out what exactly was my problem and how i could 'fix' it. See i knew that i was chronically sad or unhappy and that i had to pick myself up. But i did not know how. Unfortunately 3 of the therapists i saw during this also did not help me.

Improvement: This is the toughest. My game plan here has been and is gonna be
1: Read and analyze my behavior so i can understand the root causes for my thinking. I am an engineer so this way works good for me.
2: Develop a close set of Guy friends so that i can discuss some of issues when they do come up. I never developed any close friendship with anyone.
3: Constantly be on guard with my thinking. When negative thoughts creep up, analyze them and reformat my thinking so that that negative thinking slowly goes away.
4: Keep looking and find a good counsellor who can help me here
5: Try to start and keep an active social life.
6: Meditation and yoga.

What makes my wife tick? : moderate
Why ? : I am usually the first to figure out what she wants in terms of material things. Remembering important dates and doing something nice.

Improvement: Always had problems recognizing her emotional needs because i knew i could not provide them. When i can get my emotional strength up, I am sure i can meet her needs here too.


As i always told my wife, for me understanding her emotional needs and being there for her and the family when she needed me was like trying to understand calculus when i only knew basic math. But I am a hardworker and willing to learn. I'll get there. I just need to work smarter and lil harder.