Thanks SC for listening--you have already made a lot of strides here in a short amount of time!! You go girl!!
Another reason that I forgot to mention is that your kids need you to be present for them right now. When my "predator" (good word!!!) was around for that month, I was completely absorbed in him--being what he wanted, thinking about him (oh, whole scenarios played like a movie in my head!!), updating my look and wardrobe for him--ugh. I am SOOOOO embarassed now that I did that!! He was a nobody!!
And my R with my S15? What R!! I was "gone" in lala land. I can see how the "other person" can be sooo addictive. Even if they are so, so wrong.
My H too doesn't have anyone (yet) and is across town now renting a place. I have to be very careful not to mindread. It is a HUGE workout for me to get a grip on my emotions.
So every time you start to think about H and what he is thinking, STOP. You can't know. It is a waste of time. Think about you--and like you said--you are changing and it is ALL GOOD!! Are your friends/family/children going to benefit from the calmer, more patient, WISER you?? YOU BET!!!
Oh, and that little wild streak that is coming out? There is something about going through this process--you just, I don't know, DON'T CARE!! And you let her out and she's a BLAST!! Oh, have I had fun with discovering this!
Focus on the positives you have. The more you do this, the more you'll discover. When I start to mindread about my H, I make myself stop as soon as I can and think about things that make me happy--things from the past, the present, the future--there are SO MANY positives now!!--I didn't even REALIZE before how much time I wasted with my negative thinking. And how it affected me in so many ways and on so many levels.
I have truly started to, dare I say it?? enjoy this journey. I have a LOT of scary things happening at this point, including a violent H, but by focusing on the things that are positive and make me happy, I have got back a level of control in this that I never thought I could.
I hope this makes sense. It's hard to explain to the brand-new beginners--but I think you are coming along enough so that you can see this. And you aren't afraid of your backsliding any longer--GOOD!! You are using it to dig in deeper!!
I have been around long enough to see that this is true: The more you focus on yourself, the more you generate interest and curiousity in them. Your face is going to change--the calm, the focusing on the positives, the little smile when your "wild child" thinks of something naughty...
