I think we are all in the same kind of boat. I wish I had more advice, but I think our wives went to the same school of thought. "I don't miss you" that is a hard one to take, when we miss them at every turn. One thing that sticks out to me. Never place blame on WAW for leaving. After my W and I told our kids D5 S4 about mommy and daddy not living together anymore, I let my emotions drive me for a moment. I said "how can you do that to our family?" (after the kids were asleep) big mistake. Needless to say, the W left angry, but not before saying "don't think I can wait 3 months before filing" OUCH. I can only hope that these things were said at a very emotional time for both of us and she will cool her jets. But I just don't know. Just remember, do not let your emotions rule you like I have. It will get you no good results.
Guys , we are all in similar situations. My w has two times waivered again about her decision. ONce after new years where she actually asked for a week to decide on what to do and then recently after a night of drinking on her part that she has blown up her life and doesnt know what she is doing and has told me that she misses me at times and when I saw her I and she was crying uncontrollably, which she has done more than once. She let me kiss away her tears like i used to when we were married.
But then OM gets into her head, and he is in there deep and she then changes her mind again. I guess what Im saying is that even when they have glimpses of missing us and even admit it, their actions speak much louder than their words.
My W even came back to our marriage in July and wrote me a 7 page letter professing undying love but two weeks later continued her affair. Her words were one thing but as long as there is OM, there is no chance. That MUST fizzle first.
Hang in there.
9 BITS
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Sandi2 I agree with what your saying. She is having her cake and eating it too. What to do next is a hard one though. I can't be a jag on the phone to her, who would want to come back to that person. However, I can't just be a happy-go-lucky guy who on the phone either. I know my W sees right through that as just me being desperate to fix our M. The OM is definently getting the best of her right now. I'm sure she has told him all the ways I have done her wrong and that dink is agreeing with her and saying "how could anyone do that to you, I never would." In our convos I try to relate to what she is talking about and never cut her off. I used to do that and she said how much she hates it. I know I should end the convo myself to not show neediness, but I find this hard bc I feels so good just to talk to her. Gotta work on that.
Also my W and I are both on fb. I would like to view the 12 article on the DB page but I'm afraid it will show up on my page and she will see it. Could someone please copy and paste it here. Thanks
Shaves I know what you mean about leaving your kids out of the discussion with your WAW. If you try to use them to as a valid reason to work on the marriage, it will inevitably just make the WAW madder bc they can see right through you. They know you are trying to use them to your benefit. I believe this also helps the WAW be more sure of there decision to leave bc they feel that if all you have left keeping you together is the kids, then the M is dead. I learned that the hard way last year when we went through a seperation but stayed living together. We did get back together in july but I feel I became complacent and stopped giving the marriage the jump start it needed. I was afraid of our issues and thought that if we just ignored them they would go away. WRONG!!! I so wish I would have known about DR then. I feel confident that I wouldn't be here now.
I'm sure she has told him all the ways I have done her wrong and that dink is agreeing with her and saying "how could anyone do that to you, I never would.
Maybe, but in my EA very few words about my M was spoken. I didn't want to think about it and it sure wasn't what OM was seeking.
It's been asked by others and I think it is a point of reference for some: "Do you really want to live with a spouse that doesn't love you?"
I believe in dropping the rope....or setting them free, whatever you want to call it. It is all about attitude. Until a LBS can reach that place, he doesn't win anything, except misery.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Shaves I know what you mean about leaving your kids out of the discussion with your WAW. If you try to use them to as a valid reason to work on the marriage, it will inevitably just make the WAW madder bc they can see right through you. They know you are trying to use them to your benefit. I believe this also helps the WAW be more sure of there decision to leave bc they feel that if all you have left keeping you together is the kids, then the M is dead. I learned that the hard way last year when we went through a seperation but stayed living together. We did get back together in july but I feel I became complacent and stopped giving the marriage the jump start it needed. I was afraid of our issues and thought that if we just ignored them they would go away. WRONG!!! I so wish I would have known about DR then. I feel confident that I wouldn't be here now.
Oh man, could this be why my wife is doing what she's doing? Every time I suggest or firmly insist something in the interest of my son, she gets really irate and says that I'm still trying to control her. Which is why she's hastened to move out of our home this Saturday and taking our son with her.
I'm sure she has told him all the ways I have done her wrong and that dink is agreeing with her and saying "how could anyone do that to you, I never would.
Maybe, but in my EA very few words about my M was spoken. I didn't want to think about it and it sure wasn't what OM was seeking.
It's been asked by others and I think it is a point of reference for some: "Do you really want to live with a spouse that doesn't love you?"
I believe in dropping the rope....or setting them free, whatever you want to call it. It is all about attitude. Until a LBS can reach that place, he doesn't win anything, except misery.
What happens if that proverbial rope is not only tied to the spouse, but that spouse has tied the same rope around your children?
