Question about the Men that left

[Queen_of_Swords]

Hi SC, I too encourage you not to be too quick to jump into another R.

Hi Laura, thanks for your response.

I took a Divorce and Support Care Class (affiliated with my church) and the reasons were very sound why it's such a bad idea.

First of all, there is way too much emotion in you at this point--and proving that you are desirable and wanted is going to be WAAAAY more important than the person you are with. You could easily end up with the WRONG person. (And it's pretty unfair to do this to someone--but honestly, the right person wouldn't touch you with a 10 foot pole now anyway).

Probably true. Right person? , is there such an individual?
Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right now?

And get this--when that R doesn't work out either? People SWORE it was WORSE than the ending of their marriage! Because they were SOOO needy and SOOO vulnerable, the feelings were WORSE!

I can see that.

I was SOOO glad to have found that class when I did. I had been told pretty much the usual horrible things---I am selfish, I am lazy, he shouldn't have married me, etc. I was feeling lower than dirt.

I had a guy come out of the woodwork who showed interest in me and I did ALL the absolute WRONG things--first of all, the guy was MARRIED and I didn't even care. He said the right things! I was beautiful! I was the most giving person he ever knew!! my H was nuts!

You know what? a month later he was GONE. Thank GOD I never got physical with him!! And I was DEVESTATED!! It hurt SOOOO bad. But...DUH!! What a mistake that was!

I am sorry a predator got wind of you and thought you were easy prey, that bites.

Now I am taking a Boundaries class, am getting myself back in school, and am focusing on gettin myself healthy first before I go down any R path with anyone. I have learned my lesson.

I have good friends and I am having a BALL doing things that interest me. My H IS nuts, but I don't need anyone else to tell me this--I feel it in my BONES that he will kick himself that he let me go. I had my flaws, but I have made it my mission to ferret them out and deal with them. Yeah me! I am a person that can grow and change and be better for the experience!!

Him, not so much.lol.

I don't know that my H will kick himself. In some ways I don't care because of my own hurt.

In others I love the guy enough to hope and pray he has an awakening and soon, and not for me but for himself. Inside that man whom I care so much for is a very injured and bleeding little kid.

Seems he's very happy living alone in his little one bedroom apartment in the middle of town and throwing himself into his work ( far as I know there is no OW, I have no way of knowing either way). It doesn't really matter what he does, that's not in my control.

I have changed a great deal and in a way am grateful for the breakdown in our marriage. It got me to a really good place and program to address my issues and I am doing just that. It's made me a wiser, more compassionate, less volatile , calmer person on the whole. Except for the occassional emotional meltdowns I still have, but they serve a purpose now and are just not wasted emotion. When I have them I know there is something there that needs to be looked at on a deeper level.

Backsliding is expected as long as the main momentum is still forward.

I certainly have enough to keep me busy, and I'm having a bit more fun in letting my wild streak out to play.

I thank you for relating your experience to me here. I will keep it in mind. Easiest mistakes not to make are those made by others, if you know about them!