from MICHELE: 12 TALKING TIPS

[sgctxok]

As for me--I've used most of the DB techniques at one time or another.

Michele pounded into my brain: 'unless he's deaf, he heard you'....and 'don't give yourself an out' for the pushing.

When we push, or keep talking over again, we sound crazy, obsessive and bitchy.

I'm here to tell you really change can really happen if you let it. I don't do any of that anymore, and haven't for a few years.
All I have to do is mention something once. With something I want done, as in this example, I just need to start to do it, because he can do it so much better than me. So I started to paint the bathroom. Pretty ugly. He finished it -- oh, and redid my piece, and it's gorgeous.


But the most important most effective 'technique', bar none: is REAL GIVING. We each try to make each other happy. Even when we're upset, we've learned the consequences of just dumping our anger and unhappiness on the other, so we do the opposite of that now.

I know the thing that makes him happy is being sweet (not sappy, just warm), and looking nice. I know being 'edgy' makes him unhappy.

AS I write this it sounds simple, and it actually feels that way now, but it was a long road getting here.

I can tell you during the time we broke up (over about 4 months--about 2 years ago now?), we still talked once in awhile, we were still 'friends', and we went to a movie once or twice (that was it). I still called him 'honey' then. I stayed upbeat, too. I couldn't have done that if I didn't have years of DBing under my belt.