Hi SC, I too encourage you not to be too quick to jump into another R.
I took a Divorce and Support Care Class (affiliated with my church) and the reasons were very sound why it's such a bad idea.
First of all, there is way too much emotion in you at this point--and proving that you are desirable and wanted is going to be WAAAAY more important than the person you are with. You could easily end up with the WRONG person. (And it's pretty unfair to do this to someone--but honestly, the right person wouldn't touch you with a 10 foot pole now anyway).
And get this--when that R doesn't work out either? People SWORE it was WORSE than the ending of their marriage! Because they were SOOO needy and SOOO vulnerable, the feelings were WORSE!
I was SOOO glad to have found that class when I did. I had been told pretty much the usual horrible things---I am selfish, I am lazy, he shouldn't have married me, etc. I was feeling lower than dirt.
I had a guy come out of the woodwork who showed interest in me and I did ALL the absolute WRONG things--first of all, the guy was MARRIED and I didn't even care. He said the right things! I was beautiful! I was the most giving person he ever knew!! my H was nuts!
You know what? a month later he was GONE. Thank GOD I never got physical with him!! And I was DEVESTATED!! It hurt SOOOO bad. But...DUH!! What a mistake that was!
Now I am taking a Boundaries class, am getting myself back in school, and am focusing on gettin myself healthy first before I go down any R path with anyone. I have learned my lesson.
I have good friends and I am having a BALL doing things that interest me. My H IS nuts, but I don't need anyone else to tell me this--I feel it in my BONES that he will kick himself that he let me go. I had my flaws, but I have made it my mission to ferret them out and deal with them. Yeah me! I am a person that can grow and change and be better for the experience!!
