Rolling with the punches

[Redo]

so what is the plan? what is she asking for? what are the custody arrangements? are you moving out or is she?

[She moved out in december when i was visiting my parents. She has since been living with her parents about 250 miles from our home. We have agreed on joint custody. The asset partition has been fair, with some more details to be ironed out]

You are absolutely right about this. I know i have been reading about the DB principles and stuff, but i am sure i am straying off the path quite a bit. I think one of these days i need a session with one of the coaches so i can find my path back

you don't need a coaching session to put you back on track. you need to read the book again. you likely have a good shot at saving this but your current attitude isn't going to win any woman's heart.

[True. The problem i am having is dealing with my issues that led her to leaving me, and the divorce itself. I know what i need to do. I just need to execute. I am trying to do more things for myself that i have not done in the past weeks. So I am GALing. But every now and then i project my fears and then i go down. I gotta figure out how to slowy reduce those episodes]

if i'm right about this .. then what are you doing to change things? basically what you are doing is more of the same .. and more of the same has gotten you no where.
[Yes and No. When i do talk to my W, I am quite firm. I dont give her an impression that I am hurting a lot. I am also slowly trying to build a life for myself. Where i do fail is often i let my fears overtake what i learnt from DB and my rational thinking. Then i go down emotionally until i can pick myself up later. My triggers are irrational fear of what might happen to my daughter in the future and whether my W might choose a future without me. I just have to accept some of these realities and move on. Right now i am still struggling with some of these.]

why are you not leading the divorce discussions? if your wife isn't talk about custody, then why don't you bring it up?

[We did talk about the custody and we seem to agree on most issues. I dont want to initiate any discussions on the divorce. It's my wife who wanted it. So i let her bring it up if she needed]

what do YOU want out of all of this?
[1: I cannot be like that person i was for those 11 years. I totally lost my identity and i became someone without a backbone and started living day by day in fear of my wife leaving me. I want to build up my self esteem.

2: I definitely want my family back. I strong believe that i can be a better husband. This experience has alraedy taught me things that i have not known about myself all these years. In fact i'd rather that she come back to me only after i have become a better person. If not this cycle might repeat.]

how about this? am i wasting my time here?
[Believe me, you are not. I really value all the feedback i can get from this forum. At the end of the day, it just makes a better person. If not for my wife, then for myself and my daughter]

Thanks a bunch!!