New and need help.

[Firstlove]

Seminole

I feel your pain my friend, I have caught my W in a long standing torrid affair and I can so relate to your quote of having your heart completely ripped out and crushed - been there, doing that, have the t-shirt here. So, I am not saying this without having my own pain here believe me - I know pain. When I found out about the PA she was in I lay naked in the corner of the room for a week in the fetal position and could not even get up - so believe me when I say this - I KNOW emotional pain. I am doing all things possible to save my marriage, as I too hate divorce and never want to be divorced. Irregardless of the affair, I love her and I know that my actions over many years created the emotional desert of our marriage that allowed this PA to happen - so yes I was much at fault for the failure in our vows to each other. The ONE thing that I will not however do, is continue to try to restore my marriage if she continued in the affair. If she saw the OM even once, or even had any phone or email contact with him even once- the divorce papers would be drawn up that day and I would not waiver from that for one second. Marriage and a PA cannot stand together, in my opinion.

I know that a hard line is so difficult to draw, but if my W continued in her affair, or as I say had any contact with the OM even on time, I would not be drawing a line in the sand - I would be drawing a line in the cement.

Here is a poem that I share on here from time to time that has meant a lot to me, I hope it has some value for you.


Letting Go
Author unknown
To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization that I don’t control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

Is it time to let go, fear less and love more - that is the question that only you can answer. For me, I am letting go and that is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I am doing it with faith that God has a plan for me that is a good plan, one with hope.