That was 'me' on many, many occasions to Hope.... pathetic behavior... not H behavior...
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
hope, i'm sorry but he is an a$$ my h is the same way i'm usually at the bottom of his priority list and just why is this acceptable to us? i don't know it's really not until i find myself in this sitch and then i think i can put up with anything to make my marriage work except this time i am thinking a bit differently
i realized that i am too special to be m to someone who does not want to be with me and can't make time for me
we. as women are prizes and should be cherished
if they can't do that then "don't let the door hit you in the a$$ on the way out"
i'm going to keep doing what i am doing, but if it doesn't work, will i really be so much worse off?
hope, you asked what kind of man does that? I echo 2step...him!
(I kid) I meant ME! Let's see. Taking your wife for granted? CHECK. Leaving behind her feelings - as a matter of fact not even THINKING of her feelings? CHECK. Being selfish and then self righteous? DOUBLE CHECK. Letting the pattern continue because the W is simply nagging? CHECK.
Unfortunately for me, that pattern stopped when the bomb dropped. I was starting to be selfless and all of that but it wasn't until my W actually said, "I don't love you anymore and I want a divorce" did it smack me right in the face.
Hope, maybe you're not exactly to that point but you have to figure out some way to get to him for him to see that this relationship is killing you. I'm no therapist so I'm not exactly sure but what I've seen in my R is that the way the W approaches the husband can be the big thing.
I'm a little at a loss as to any ideas, unfortunately.
I DO wish that we could have all been there to help you
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
hope, i'm sorry but he is an a$$ my h is the same way i'm usually at the bottom of his priority list and just why is this acceptable to us? i don't know it's really not until i find myself in this sitch and then i think i can put up with anything to make my marriage work except this time i am thinking a bit differently
i realized that i am too special to be m to someone who does not want to be with me and can't make time for me
we. as women are prizes and should be cherished
if they can't do that then "don't let the door hit you in the a$$ on the way out"
i'm going to keep doing what i am doing, but if it doesn't work, will i really be so much worse off?
i don't think so
hope your weekend is ok
grr, I'm telling you and Hope, this is exactly where my W was before she laid down the law and I came running home and am doing what I'm doing. Like I said to Hope, I'm not advocating it but your @$$hole Hs need a swift kick in the nether regions.
Short of doing that, maybe a complete detachment? I'm not sure. I would just hate for the sitch to get as bad as mine did before I realized it. I am slowly working back but I wished I wised up MUCH earlier.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
All that's going around here with H, the move, and the boys I've had no time to get on here and catch up. Hoping things will slow down soon. I have a lot of BITS to catch up on, sorry guys.
The move went ok. H actually showed up to help after all. He was pleasant and helpful. The boys mom and stepdad didn't leave until were done afterall.
So here's what's going on with the XW. Her mom died last week. She hadn't talked to her in 5 yrs, wasn't even told by her dad or brother. Her uncle called the next day. Of course she's a wreck. She has a very good H though. They also have a 4 year old. The boys never really knew their grandmother so they aren't that upset. They are more worried about baseball. My H on the other hand went from so concerned about her that he tried to ditch helping me move to angry he's losing his week with the boys because of the funeral, etc. He won't help find their clothes for the funeral or drive to the funeral to show respect. He's on good terms with XW, the boys have never dealt with death or a funeral before. But he's going to the visitation tonight. The boys won't be there. Wearing khakis and a baby blue shirt instead of black. Told me it would be inappropriate for me to go.
Anyone else smell a rat?
So I'm going anyway. 2 hour drive so he can walk in for 10 minutes without me. But at least I will know he's there.
What's the right thing to do? Be at the funeral for his kids. So what its 4 hrs away. Put the boys first. Not the easy way out, dressed innappropriately, going only because he's nosey to see the x-inlaws he hasn't seen in 10 yrs. He had no relationship with the woman who died, he would make fun of her.
Its getting harder and harder to respect a man who doesn't make decisions based on right and wrong but what he wants and to heck with others
Other than all that, he's alternating overly happy and snappy. My guard is up but I'm still trying to DB. In response to what you guys said about shocking him - I don't think he would care if I walked out except for any inconvenience it may cause him. He couldn't get much more selfish or self-absorbed. He has lost all his friends, the boys respect, and his wife is doubting he has a soul or a heart. He needs to find Jesus.
I need patience.
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
