I did set a boundary about finances though, but it was for protecting me and D16, because I am only getting unemployment now and I am still responsible for paying our bills. His check is still deposited in our account, but he has a side photography business and has been hoarding that money, without looking at our joint acct and seeing what D16 and I need to make it to the next payday. Some days I have only had $4 in our acct and could not even go to the store. I have asked friends for help, and I am sick of that, when he has extra money, he needs to do the responsible thing and see if we need money. Heck, I tried to get gas today and didn't have enough money. That is embarrassing! So, H said he just got paid $400 for a wedding he did this weekend and he would deposit into our account on Tue when the banks open. So we will see what happens.
That I can understand; and you do need to protect yourself in this area; God will advise you and aid your efforts; but will not do it for you.
And you need money to survive; and it's not wrong to ask him for the proper support for the household.
I didn't have that problem during his initial MLC; but I know that God will back the LBS who asks for support.
And if you don't say something to him, he won't do what is right; he needs to, but he won't unless you get after him; and I don't mean in a mean way; just a matter of fact way.
In the state of mind he is in; he will let things stay the way they are until something changes; and that means you have to stand your ground on certain things; such as financial support.
And, from what you say, you are doing just that.
Sometimes they act worse than children.
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I also pray that God would bring a good Godly single man to OW to help her find her way to God so she can have happiness in her life too.
While God will answer the Hedge of Thorn Prayers if it is His Will, and we do have to ask for His Will, and not ours to be done, the OW, who causes so much trouble in the marriages of people, will NOT gain anything from the affair; but more trouble than she has caused.
This is because OW must suffer consequences, right along with the MLC'er.
As one does sow, therefore they shall reap...and if the sowing is in corruption what is received/reaped is MORE corruption.
The Bible clearly states to love our enemies, and pray for them.
But when we ask for God to bless our enemies, and this includes the OW/OM; the direct opposite happens they suffer and hard; I know, I've seen this before many times.
I learned, in time, to forgive the OW for her part in the affair my husband had; but the Lord showed me that He would NOT bless her; she'd tried to break up a marriage and family; and for that, she would truly suffer, and hard.
The OW was NOTHING to me; she was my husband's problem, NOT mine; and this was made very clear to me by the Lord.
So, I separated myself from even the thoughts of OW; and this took awhile; she was bringing me down; as every thought I spared for her was taking power away from me.
This is a pattern in OW's life that cannot be "fixed" by praying for her; it will take something more to bring her down in the end...and only God knows what that is..leave her in His Hands; and pray for your husband.
She's still a person; but you must always recognize the snake in the grass when you see it; and ALL OWs/OMs are of this kind.
The majority of them know that the person they are seeing is married; but do it anyway..and for that; they reap in loneliness, heartache, and suffering for what they do.
God does take care of the situation; and it's not going to be in the way you would want it to be; as I do sense you have a heart for people..and that is OK; but see a spade for what it is, a spade.
You know people by the fruit they bear, the Bible tells you this; and the OW/OM bears some pretty rotten fruit.
I also learned to step back and let my husband suffer his consequences; and he reaped hard for all that he'd done to himself, his marriage; and to me, his wife; as well as his family. I saw things get so bad for him that I took pity on him and asked the Lord to lighten up.
This was the WRONG thing to ask Him...He immediately asked me if I wanted to suffer right along with my husband; I said no, I hadn't done anything wrong...so the Lord taught me a valuable lesson; it is better to watch people suffer through their consequences so that they may not do this again. If their reaping is "light" then it won't be an incentive for them to straighten up and fly right going forward.
On the other, it is entirely possible to "reap" for another; and in that; nothing is learned by the party who did wrong; so "bailing out" NEVER needs to happen.
Some consequences are suffered during the act of sin; and some are suffered even WAY beyond the ending of the act; as the Bible says reaping will continue for a season; and a season in God's time is unknown.
You know, God instructed me, when the time was right, to hold my husband accountable for all he'd done; I'd already forgiven him; but HE hadn't faced it; and as long as he didn't face it, he would never change and become the husband God meant for him to be.
What I had to do in holding him accountable was also part of his consequences suffered; because people MUST face what they've done and make it right...this doesn't come until later in the crisis; but does come.
He didn't do this on his own, so it fell to ME to begin the process when it was time.
Maybe this will help, too.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
