Denver, Thanks for propping me up last night. Man, I was really in the dumps all weekend. Spent most of today in bed again. Part hangover, part no real need to get up.
I have checked out the article on FB and it is very helpful. Too bad my W doesn't want to hear any of that stuff right now. She has completely shut down and is probably moving forward with her A.
I do agree with your assessment of 3 months. She has only been in her new place for three weeks. I guess I have some more waiting to do...
I have spent hour focused on what I did that caused her to leave. You have read much of it here. It has been helpful to identify these things, but now I am completely overcome with guilt, regret and shame. When she left, I hated her. Now, I hate me and it makes me question every move going forward.
Yes, I do agree that the "energy" we show them does help. She was completely turned off and fled as fast as possible from the crying, moping, and begging FOBD. But still, she is completely emotionless when we do see each other. In the 168 days since she left, we have only seen each other 13 times. Many of those visits were under one hour. There just isn't time to show her the new me. When I tried it last Sunday, she just crawled into her car and sped away like nothing.
Hang with me, man. Your support means the world to me. Every good captain needs an even better second in command to get his back when things are going wrong.
I just can't seem to get out of the funk lately. A few weeks ago, I was doing really well. I was interviewing WAS's, helping my friend who lost his brother and helping to save Bev from her jack*ss of a WAS. But, those things only brought me a brief respite from the darkness that resides in my home. I feel like a man without a country. When I am out with friends, all I think about is the fact that they are all going home to sleep in a bed with their wives. I sit there and stare longingly at every couple in the bar or restaurant I am in remembering when I was them. So, it makes me want to go home. But, when I get there, I am lonely and ready to quit. I have no where to go...
BITS never walk alone!!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
