Throughout our separation we talked on the phone. In the begining, unfortunately, it was mostly me making the initiative. I think if I had been able to call him less, I would have gotten results quicker!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy with the 16 months. It's now something I'm quite proud of. I used to believe that I'd break if I spent more than 2 weeks away from him. So, knowing that I can spend 16 months and be happier and stronger for it is something I'm very proud of!
There was one month in which I was really angry at him. The anger hit me hard. I used that anger to go dark on him for a month. After that month, when I finally cooled off, I called him. It was obvious from his voice that he was happy to hear from me and he asked me for a date.
So, for someone like me who was clinging and needy, going dark really was the best thing I could have done.
After that I continued to do my best to wait for him to call me, rather than me contacting him. Each time he called me I praised him. Told him "I am so happy you called, thank you!"
I kept my conversations happy, upbeat and short.
And after some time, he was calling me more and more often.
We also had more and more dates.
After about a year of separation (I think) it became obvious to me that he was happy with me. But he wasn't ready to take the chance and move back in with me.
I told him several times over that final 6 months that I was at the end of my rope. That he needed to make a decision. And I would be happy with either one. And I meant it. His response to this was always, "Divorce is rather drastic, don't you think?" Lol. I responded, "So is being separated for a year." Silly Monkey.
So, it was a long process with lots of fear on his part. But we are both much happier now.
