So, H came over Wed night to show me how to use the grill and we cooked dinner together and had a good time together as a family. This weekend was H time with D16. Again, he planned to stay at our home. D16 was on a trip on Friday and would not be back until very late. H didn't show up to stay at the house until 9:30pm. I was already in bed due to getting up early the next morning for my own fun day. I was still awake so H comes in and sits on the bed and we talk about how things are going at his work. Then as we were chit chatting, I asked him if he thought I was too independent or too needy during the past couple of years of our marriage. (Yes, I know, bad Dbing, but I really wanted to know the answer.) He said that I was too needy. I was so shocked as I thought he would answer that I was too independent. My response to him was, "I bet that was very overwhelming for him." Then we ended the conversation as I needed to get some sleep and he was going to wait up for D16 to come home.
Saturday was great because I was gone before either of them got up and didn't get home until 9pm. I had a great day doing something I have done for 6 years now, and that is spent a day scrapbooking with my friends.
Then today, I ask H to stay after D16 leaves for a retreat because we need to talk about finances. I go off to church and when I get home I was surprised to see him here. I had felt it on my heart to talk about my part in the breakdown of our marriage and told H some of the things that I felt responsible for and also told him I was standing for our marriage, but I wanted him to be happy. I told him that I did not need him for me to be happy. I wanted him and a marriage with him, but I would be fine without him. He talked a bit about how he felt I did not respect him and have not respected for years. I told him I am sorry he feels that way, that I have always respected him. He gave an example of me undermining him in regards to our D16, which blew me out of the water, because I thought I was backing him up. I just apologized and said it was never my intention to undermine his authority with D16. We discussed how I felt we have become lapse in our relationship with God and that putting Him first is now my goal daily. I told him I was praying for him and OW. Then I did a very, very, bad thing! I asked H if he didn't love me anymore. He became very quiet and looked me straight in the eyes and said, "I can't say that." I was shocked, because I was so ready to hear the ILYBNILWY. Really! During our entire separation H has never said that to me or that he didn't love me anymore. On the flip side, he did say that he doesn't miss me right now. I wanted to say, Duh, the OW is keeping you preoccupied. But I kept my lips zipped. We did discuss our finances and worked through what was needed. We ended the entire conversation with a very good hug.
I am not sure what this will have done to H's current thinking process, may have been good or may have been bad. I am again just not having any expectations, but leaving it in God's hands. I feel so much peace after today, and believe that God is really working on my H and I just need to continue to give H space and time. I still continue to hear God telling me to have patience.
I realized that I was not DBing very well, but I felt I was following the Lord in my interactions with H this weekend. I continue to pray for H and OW daily.
I hope this week has good things in store for all of us, and pray that all our marriages will be restored.
Blessings,
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
