Lost, hurt and scared ...

[MeMyselfandI]

Weekend update. So, I went to my qualifiers over the weekend and won the championship. Good news over with first. Saturday, during one of my breaks, I called my S to see what he was up to. He was in tears on the phone and told me he and D were supposed to be at hockey soon and they didn't know where H was. They were at home alone and H hadn't told them where he was going and S was very upset that they were going to be late for hockey. I calmed S down and told him to call H and find out where he was. Again, this stuff kills me but I think I'm making progress. I vented to a couple of friends who were with me, went for a short walk and thought about the situation a little. I realized, I could not do anything about it. Yes, it bothers me that H is treating S & D like this and yes, it is completely out of character but I reacted the only way I could, I tried to help S figure it out and that was all I could do. I had done my part and I let it go.

To be honest, I never realized how empowering it is to just let it go. Normally, I would have picked up the phone or sent H a "not very nice, friends-off" kinda text about the situation just so he knew I knew. Not healthy!

So, just before I'm getting ready to go on the plane to fly back, I get a text from H asking what time I land again (have told him 10 times but MLC brain is very forgetful)! I tell him and he lets me know D has girls hockey and then a little pizza party after so he will drop the kids off after that.

Then, here it is ... wait for it, he asks how my competition went. We have not communicated on anything other than business/kids for so very long. One of my goals was to have him contact me regarding something else and although this isn't quite there yet, (b/c the contact was kid related and his question was just added onto that communication) it is a baby step toward that goal for me. Anyway, I told him I won and he responded with congratulations.

When I got back to town, I went to the rink to see if S wanted to come over early. H was sitting in the stands with a few of the hockey parents and they all asked how I did when I walked in. Lots of kudos and congratulations and I sat for a few minutes. H talked to me for a couple of minutes about S's broken hockey bag and a couple of other things. Mentioned that he was flying out of town tomorrow and would try to get the part needed for S's hockey bag; however he wasn't going to be in the city. I think he is going to meet OW's family or on a trip with her and he may have been trying to see if I would fish for information. I didn't bite, just suggested that we could likely order whatever part was needed online. I then said that I assumed S didn't want to come early since he was with his friends so I was going to go home to unpack. I got up, said good bye to the gang and off I went.

I'm home now, all unpacked and very excited that the kids will be here soon.

[seeking answers]

Congratulations FSA!

[MeMyselfandI]

Thank you seeking. So, had a good discussion with D on Sunday night. She started the conversation by telling me that H told her he was dating OW but told her not to tell me. She said, Mommy, I want to be honest with you and I know you already know anyway but Daddy told me not to tell you.

This provided me an opportunity to be honest with her as well so I told her that I didn't want any secrets between us and she can tell me anything. I then said, while we are on that topic, I want to be honest with you as well and I was a little hurt that you invited OW to your b-day party because I really would have liked to be there. I did say, it was ok and I wasn’t upset with her but it just hurt a little.

Well, she said “I didn’t invite her. Daddy asked and said only if it was ok with me and then he said, ‘after all she has done for you this week and all the things she bought you for your birthday, but it’s totally up to you’.” She said, “I just didn’t want to hurt her feelings.”

I felt so bad for her so I told her it was totally ok and I was not hurt anymore and I reiterated that we really need to be open and honest about all this stuff, particularly right now because I know it’s hard on all of us. I did not want to bad mouth H so I just said to her that this was hard on him too. I really want her to feel safe talking and opening up about these things.

S is also talking more and more and is really struggling but I’m there for him and letting him voice what he feels. He’s tried staying home from school the last couple of days saying he’s sick, (which he has also done in the past when he returns from his time at H’s place) but I have put my foot down on this as it’s not a habit I want him getting into. I just feel so bad for both of them right now.

I am seeing that H & OW are pushing really hard to develop this relationship between her and D but I’m happy to see that D can somewhat see through what is going on. It is unfortunate that H is acting like this as it is totally out of character for him but if this is the new, improved H, it makes it very easy to detach. If he came back today on his hands and knees begging to come back, I’d laugh in his face. He's got a long way to go!