from MICHELE: 12 TALKING TIPS

[GH31]

Talking Tip #12: Unless he’s deaf, he heard you.
It took me lots of years to figure this one out, and I want to spare you the exasperation. Long ago, when Jim and I argued about something, I would keep at it until he either agreed or acknowledged what I was saying. More often than not, I didn’t get what I was looking for. I had chronic frustration. But as I got older and wiser, I noticed something interesting. Even though Jim didn’t agree with me (in fact, he usually vehemently disagreed with me), in the days that followed, his behavior changed. He started doing what I asked of him.

Very true.

If your man is fanatical about self-determination like Jim, it’s much more likely that he’ll come around after you’ve stopped trying to convince him.

Ladies, read and re-reread that sentence that I've underlined and emboldened. Read it often until it's tattooed on your brains.

Giving us a verbal tirade, a stream of incessant talking won't get us to act or to do what you want us to do. If it does appear to "work" we'll do it grudgingly and resentfully. Trying to "work on us" really won't cut it. If we do something then it has to be our idea.

If you really want to influence us, the way Michele details it will be very effective.

If my wife wants me to fix something in the house or do something I've already agreed to do, all she needs to do is start doing it and it's enough to get me to spring out of my seat and take over.

When my Mum wanted us to get a new car when we were growing up, rather than ask Dad for one outright (a Land Rover Discovery 4x4) she worked on him subtly over a period of a few weeks. Then he went out and got one thinking he had had a great idea when it was really Mum's subtle and loving influence that had done it.

Michele's post couldn't be more right.