You will get more responses if you stick to one thread.
JMHO...I would keep working on yourself...it sounds like he has some issues and needs to work them through. You cannot help him with this. Don't let him drag you down with him. Protect your finances and yourself.
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I agree he has some issues, but he did do well for a year, and my relaspes spurred him onto a relapse...he swears he was not with this ow BUT she had not been on internet on pandora for over two years (she did not have access to his during that time) and suddenly was on pandora radio again...first song she plays...why'd you leave the one you left me for? the very night he did not come home from work....then a bunch of other songs...on all the days he and his computer were missing...then...he comes home tries to make up but is deleting his entire computer and set it so there was no restore point past the day he fixed it and so...what am I supposed to think? He called a girlfriend of mine and told her he was not with ow and has not seen her in almost two years...but...I don't believe this...I do not think he was seeing or being with ow during that time, as we were very happy...but I do think he at least accessed her for drugs...and partied with her and her little circle of drug buddies...he probably did not sleep with her as it appears she has a man now, but he betrayed me by even being near her...this woman was a drain on him..and when he started seeing me she did everything possible to end our relationship. He knows she is a loser and he knows when he is straight he is better than the company he keeps or is when he is high...I sincerely believe he loves me...but I also think he lies to protect himself from my anger perhaps...what he doesn't get is that I would forgive him if I knew he would pledge fidelity, sobriety, and forward motion in our relationship...I love him.
Resilient- First, have you read Divorce Remedy and/or Divorce Busting by MWD? If not, you need to begin there.
A few questions for you:
1) Have you thought about why you want to save this relationship (R)? If you have, what are your reasons?
2) What drug or drugs is your BF into? Some are worse than others, so I think that this is important info.
3) What are you doing for yourself so that you can be both emotionally and physically healthy as you are dealing with this?
My advice to you right now is to really focus on yourself for the time being. You can NOT control what your BF is doing right now. The only person who you can control is yourself. The sooner that you learn this, the better off that you will be.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I want to save the R because I love him and I know he loves me. When we are both sober ...me free of alcohol, him free of drugs, we are amazing together.
He holds my hand in public, cuddles me, is always affectionate, sweet, caring, and loving in and out of bed. I am the same with him. Our love languages are quality time and physical touch..pretty much equally for both of us.
I just sent him this email as a last attempt to reach him, I do not know if or when he will get it as he has not accessed his smart phone in days.
I am sorry. I am sorry you tried for an entire year, and I was still stuck in the past and self medicating and getting angry by drinking when you were gone and blaming you. That was my fault. I have not been drinking and have no plans to drink whether you and I fix this or not. I am done. I am done for me. I can't live this way. I spoke to the counselor , one last time. I can't afford to again. Here is what I came away with.
I need you to trust me. You need me to trust you. I believe you know I have not had sex with anyone but you since we became exclusive in October of 2009 and I feel the same way about you but you do not know that as I have said hurtful mean things to you when I was angry.
Basically, I do trust you or I would not have slept with you..cause if I really believed you had been with B ..I would not have let you even touch me. Drunk or sober.
I need to perhaps be on antidepressants for a few months til I am a few more months sober and thinking correctly all the time.
I love you and you love me.
Call me. The counselor asked me what I wanted. I said for you to come home and for us to be happy. She said what do you think he wants? I said I think he wants to stop the fighting and wants to feel like I trust him, love him and think the world of him She asked if that is how I felt. I said, yes when I am not drinking or upset. Yes, when I am happy. She said what keeps the two of you from being happy? I said alcohol and drugs. She said then lose them and all the people you associate with to use them or obtain them from. So, We just need to agree to doing that and then we will be all right..I will trust you and you will trust me..if we both stop messing up. I let you down by continuing to drink...and then you let me down by doing meth.I pushed you away when you really were trying so hard..and I AM SORRY and I want to make that up to you.
It's easy to fix. I do trust you when you are straight...it is basically your associates in the meth world I truly do not trust.. I love you and want you to come home. NO fighting. NO relationship discussions. We just spend two nice weeks together. We see if we are able to do that. Shelia and Duke will be down and we will spend some nice time with them. We take it slowly. You keep your storage unit if you want. No committment other than to two weeks to see if we can just be happy again and NOT fight. Please think about it. I love you. I know you love me. Colleen
I love you and want you to know that I do. I am sorry things got so out of hand again, but NO more. If either of us relapses..then the other gets to walk away this time if they choose with no arguements or hard feelings. Neither one of us deserves to be unhappy. But we both deserve to be happy and we can be together...I love you. --
Anyone have any thoughts on this email I posted above? Was it ok or too much or not enough? I need advice! I am reading Divorce Remedy and really trying not to lose the love of my life..and he is. Warts and all.
Whoa, lady hang on there. Breathe. You're very upset and anxious that's plain. Nicely send a note to a mod to get some of your more personal and identifying posts removed if you're afraid of discovery. No one is not answering because they don't care about your situation or don't want to offer support. Have you not read a post or two and had to think about what best to say? Your H will see the email, but not on YOUR time, on HIS. He will respond in HIS time not on YOURS. Until then, let it go. You have no power to change the circumstances between you. You can only change YOU right now.
It's hard to let go, I know. You're hanging on to that thread with all your might, but that thread can't support your weight. Fall back, find the hiking rope, pitons and crampons. We're here to belay you. Then perhaps at one point that thread can be integrated into the rope that holds you now.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Resilient, take a deep breathe we are not ignoring you. We are also wrapped up in our own drama’s. For me the weekends are the worse. It is when I have most interactions with W and my local support group. So I am not on this board much. I am db’ing my fanny off.
You’re trying to find a quick fix to get rid of the pain this is causing you. We have all been there. I did not find a quick fix. If I did I would not be here feeling your pain. This is a process we are going through. It is work. It will be painful. I promise you the better and longer you do it the less painful and easier it becomes. Stop trying to fix it. Start trying to heal yourself. Find things outside the R to do and feel good about.
Your email is only your last attempt if you choose to make it so. It does seem to be pursuit. Pursuing will only make him run away harder.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
I'm sorry. I am a wreck. I am crying, then stomping my feet and screaming I don't care, then crying, and so up and so down...it just hurts...it isn't anyone's fault but my own. Thank you both for your replies...I just need to get some food and some sleep, I guess. Thank you again.
