Not Sure Which Way to Go

[downandoutintn]

gr8,
I honestly answered the phone because my kids weren't right there and so the call wouldn't be missed. If the kids are there I hand the phone to them and do not talk unless there is something about the kids that need to be worked out. I try to treat her as far as the kids concerned like I want to be treated. If I call to talk with them I want to know that she will answer the phone. I really do believe in treating someone as you would want to be treated. I did not ask any questions in that whole conversation and made it very clear that I answered the phone for her to talk to the kids and not to me. She chose to try to talk to me not the other way around. I am getting ready to start reading your thread. I looked for it the other night but there are so many posts by you that I couldn't find yours.

I'm normally not a slow learner but I think it is a lot harder to do this when there is love and emotions involved. One thing I have found that I was doing is revolving too many of my actions around her. I have now stopped that. I think that is the biggest thing I was doing wrong. I was still letting her affect my decisions and that was causing me more trouble than good.

One other question. Are you saying I should never talk to her at all unless it is about the kids? If that is the case then how would I ever know that she is trying to test the water? Or is it something that I give it a while and she will find a way to talk to me?