Question about the Men that left

[Queen_of_Swords]

Scylla,
I don't think you can make any generalizations, but in light of what Jack said above, I'm sure my W believes she put up with all she could before walking away. When she did, she gave no consideration to counseling or any thought of restoring the M. So if women are more patient before walking, it could be argued that they are more "done" when leaving.

I'm sure my H feels the same way. All indications in his words he did write and say were that he couldn't stand it anymore. Whatever comprised it ( and that was mostly blaming me). I just wondered if gender of the WAS makes a difference here.

If I had a chance, I'd take it and I'm doing the soul searching and finding out now what I really stand for what values are important to me.

I'm not one to throw lumber around, but generally, if you spend more time here ^^^

I am...a lot. I lie awake nights thinking and praying about it. Journalling about it. I waver back and forth.

I'd actively start to look elsewhere for love.

And less time here ^^^^
Haven't "actively" looked yet. I am thinking about it though.

10+ years of being ignored, seldom spoken with/to and treated like help

You might figure out why he did this ^^^^

I mostly know why. He shut down because he felt I was a critical, bossy,mean and judgemental nag. He also thought I was blunt and unfeminine.
When I stopped nagging, I stopped talking anything but day to day necessary stuff, what was the point when he was unresponsive?
When subtle didn't work with H. I became blunt and in his eyes demanding and unfeminine. The viscious circle had started.

I am addressing my own less than desirable characteristics and have been trying to gain my own emotional health and maturity for the last 15 months and will for the next 3+ years.

Then you can make peace with it, forgive yourself, and take your emotionally healthy self into your next R with whomever; spouse (hopefully) or not.
I am liking the "new" me. I've gained a lot of ground, I'm having a lot more fun and breaking out of the box I was placed in as a child and locked shut on myself as a teen and young adult.