Recovering after a same sex affair

[Firstlove]

Sparks

I have been reading a lot of these posts here today and I am seeing two things as consistent advice to you here - detach and back off. I think you are coming to that place in your own heart and believe me that is a very very difficult thing to do, trust me on this, I know of what I speak. I am dealing with the horrors of discovering an affair that my W had myself, so I can share your pain brother. Here is a poem that my sister sent to me that has meant a lot to me as I struggle with the the unbelievable pain involved in discovering your spouse in an affair - I too discovered it thru emails. What is crazy about my sitch is that my wife gave me the password to her email account and asked me to look something up - I did and that is how I found the emails - and I have to deal with those thousands of sexually graphic emails and proof of the hundreds if not thousands of text messages and late night phone calls during the affair - so I have those horrors to deal with myself here - you are NOT alone buddy. In all of this here is one thing that I know I have to do


Letting Go
Author unknown
To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization that I don’t control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

My advice - fear less and love more

If you W can see you as her greatest protector here and the defender of her security - that will say volumes to her as to the fabric of true love and honor thru a crisis.