Wow, Sanderika. That sounds like an awesome weekend for you and son. Your patience has certainly been rewarded lately. Has H made further mention of your court proceedings?
However, in my case, things are different. H hasn't spoken to me for 2 months aside from a couple of texts. In that time, he has chosen to have ow move in with him. That has caused issue for D who now will not visit him at his house. S won't visit with him there when he is here either. It causes issue for me because D won't go there, I can't visit there and I also have the added issue of having her live in the same suburb. H didn't care about that. He has chosen ow and her son over his own children once again.
Last weekend H took D driving for 2 hours Sat and then came here for 2 hours while we chatted about lots of stuff. The next day he came back to fix the alarm and to take D driving again for another hour or so. This weekend he took D driving Saturday for 3 and a half hours. Now, I am now feeling quite cynical and say he is investing all this time because he really wants to make sure d gets her licence so he doesn't have to drive her around all the time anymore. However, I also see that it is a weekend and he works Sundays and that doesn't leave much family time with H, ow and her son.
The consistency with H is this; 1.He does something wrong (eg goes to a concert with ow when he says he is working and when he doesn't give me any child support) 2. When it is discovered (not necessarily by me) he twists it around to blame me in some way. 3. Then he says because of my actions/behaviour he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore and discounts any positive interactions saying that things were not actually that good. (so why did he continue to come here then if it wasn't that good?? I'm thinking of our regular dinners last year) 4. He then vanishes. 5. When I extend the olive branch in some way either by suggesting a truce or even just by initiating a conversation he starts to slowly come back again.
The problem is Sanderika that this is a set pattern. I get comfortable with our interactions but every time I get blamed and try as I might it is hurtful to me.
I am tired. As I said I will always be here for H but I also owe myself a life. He has chosen ow and her son. He didn't think anything we had or he had with D was that important. She has exactly what she wanted. He made a choice. I hate to think where this places him legally if they split..............
I agree H was 'looking for me' on Saturday. But why? This is all one sided. He comes to me looking for affirmation and for an enjoyable conversation. He cares about me generally but mostly he cares about him. Last time we had developed a really comfortable arrangement but it was ow he took to the concert. All there is for me is the feeling I am being used. I love H and I have forgiven him well and truly but I can't do this anymore. I am no good at detaching and having no expectations.
I have thought of MIL in the last weeks. She will not be happy that ow has moved in and before she would have called me to discuss but due to her ban on the topic she can't debrief......
And if I create the safe haven for H and he comes here and spends time with us am I not just doing to ow what she did to me?
Anyway, it' all immaterial....your H has always been interacting with you. Ours has always been filled with gaps and silences. H has made a choice and I have to accept that and move on without him.
The next driving hasn't been planned as H will be away with his family and our son this weekend; my birthday weekend. So I can predict that the next contact from him will be a text to say happy birthday!!
