DON'T file for divorce unless you are absolutely, positively, 100% NOT in love with him. If you can walk away today and feel relieved and KNOW you made the right decision, then that is one thing.
What I'm hearing from you is a reaction. NOT a good time to make a decision.
M 55 H 58 M 24 T 29 S 22,21, 19 Bomb 4/10 It (A) really isn't about you 11/2013 We all have work to do
The truth will set you free, but it will almost kill you first.
I'm trying to be patient but boy is it hard. Today was soooo hard for me.
Me: 27 H: 27 M:5 years Together: 9 years No Children Bomb: 1/1/11 ILYNILWY & Wants Separation Moved Out: 1/30/11 Has not filed yet but says that he does not want to reconcile
It's really easier to follow along if you stick to one thread ... so I've answered on your other thread, but copied here as well...
Crisis can happen at anytime, mid-life can really be a misnomer ... that being said, invest some time in the resource threads because only you can decide if your husband is in crisis or not. Be careful with setting arbitrary deadlines, you back yourself into a corner that way. DBing is NOT about sitting on your heiny waiting for your WAS to come to their senses. It's about refinding yourself, learning to live your life true to yourself and your core. DB is about communication and compassion and being yourself. DB is about learning to love without expectations.
This is time to work on you. The crazy antics are not yours, so why would you be embarrased by them?
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
MNIZ Your absolutely right. I think that filing for a D right now would be a reaction. I cannot honestly say that I am 100% done. I don't even WANT a separation, let alone a divorce and me filing right now would be acting out of anger and hopelessness. And even though he is saying that he wants a D, I think that me filing would make him very upset; sort of like, "i knew she didn't really care about this marriage." However, if he files, I will not fight him on it or give him a hard time.
PEI thanks so much for your response. How do I know that I am not just concluding that he is in crisis mode so that I have an excuse to stay. If I admitted that he was just being a selfish a**hole then I wouldn't have an reason to stay. I have been trying to GAL. Some days its easier than others. Its difficult for me battling both this situation and depression. I try to focus on my academics but its so hard to concentrate at times. I have started working out again, trying to eat healthier. Ive been hanging out with friends and fam and more importantly I just started allowing them to support me. (I am very private and withdrawn usually). Getting a job would also help a great deal but its a bit rough out there right now. Ive had little luck.
I believe that me being out of work for the last year has put a significant strain on my marriage. This is the first time that my husband has been 100% responsible for all of the bills since weve been married and I don't think he handled it well. I'm hoping to find a job soon but I haven't been as proactive as I normally would have been.
You said the most important thing; loving without expectations. Everyday I keep telling myself that I can not expect anything from him; absolutely nothing. It's hard, but I am getting better at it.
And your so right, he will have to deal with the aftershocks of his antics. So embarrassed for him though.
Me: 27 H: 27 M:5 years Together: 9 years No Children Bomb: 1/1/11 ILYNILWY & Wants Separation Moved Out: 1/30/11 Has not filed yet but says that he does not want to reconcile
