H takes all the blame - why?

[angel61]

Punkin, No, I don't mean he is playing me off against the OW.

With him as a victim, taking the blame:

1. OW might change her tune, accept she is not to blame, take pity on him in his pain, and come back (remember she cut off the EA)
2. I will be more sympathetic and will give him what he wants (freedom, friendship). So both actions will benefit him....

And I believe he does this subconsciously, really believing his own justifications. But I have already seen that when faced with proof, he can be influenced to believe something else, and this was even before we started having problems in our M. That is why I have read somewhere (marriage advocate articles on MLC) that we have to be careful in asking questions, talking, as they are planting seeds in the mind of the MLCer. I do believe though that ultimately, the truth will come out. Right now, I have started working on reversing his mindset, am planting seeds, by appealing to his "idealistic" side. I do see it is starting to work, to be honest.

Good thing I have not gone so far as taking the blame away from him....I did tell him that because I love him (not because he was to blame), I could not bear to see him miserable, and that even if it was painful for me (drama on my part? guilting? I don't know, past analyzing my words sometimes) I was willing to let go of him.

As I said in my previous threads, there seems to have a positive side to what I told him. He has relaxed now, has seen that I am sincere in wanting his happiness, in letting go. I think that with all these motives, etc. flying around, the ultimate thing I am trying to achieve is a peaceful home where he can relax and start appreciating what I am to our family.

As for living arrangements: Well, H has been on vacation for 6 days now, and to tell you the truth, I am not missing him (except when I had to take out the garbage, as that is his job! I also miss his cooking....)

So today, I will quickly clean the house, then go to the gym, then shop!
I will put myself in a cheerful frame of mind and pick him up at the airport tomorrow. He will bring me and D12 to a new restaurant for lunch then we go to his workplace, where he plans to do a bit of work while D1 and I hang out with him. I don't have work tomorrow.

I will make sure to look gorgeous!