It's me that's cycling!

[Sanderika]

Hi Cas,

I am sending this to you as a bit of encouragement.

Since you are well aware of the h*ll I have lived for almost 6 years now, my patience and planning and actions could be getting results.

I have once again seen a change here...... We know this is a long twisted road filled with disappointment and heartbreak. We know that our H's do not trust us and to regain their trust and have a chance for a return to us we had to change (BIG)!! We know that they have been watching us with an eagle's eye since they left.

I got a call from H in the middle of the afternoon on Friday. He was so excited to hear me answer, I know him...so I know this. We chatted about trivia and then he told me he was working, driving to Vermont and that he had been given a meal of corn chowder from a friend and it had apparently turned because it gave him the worst case of food poisoning. He went on and on in detail as to his illness and I sat and listened and offered much sympathy.

The importance is that I GAVE HIM THE SYMPATHY he was seeking, I believe that he gets none from the OW. He turned to me. I responded appropriately and satisfied H's need for comforting. This is so important when they reach out to us. We need to remain aloof and distant for the most part while at the same time being "there" when they need us. If we aren't they will replace the OW with another trollop. I want to be the one who fills his needs again, I've worked to reach this point.

Our H's were deeply hurt by us and they left. It's going to take dedication and hard work with consistent treatment of the same kind to influence the move they need to make to return. They know where they belong they are not going to take the plunge without being 100% positive that it will work with us. They are not willing to risk their hearts to us and a place to only end up leaving again. They are cautious while constantly keeping the option open to return and they are continuously looking inside us and our homes to see if we are consistent and can be trusted again.

Yesterday, H asked me to drop son off early at our shop so son could work with H. When H son dropped son off back here at home just before noon he came with three loads of firewood for us, this is huge!!! H wants us to be well taken care of again. He stayed for lunch (I had plenty of goodies ready) and we all played Yahtzee for 1.5 hours. It was good fun for all. H napped after as he is still not really feeling great again and I cleaned up my kitchen and then son and I put some of the wood away. I let H nap away his afternoon. H ended up staying for supper and breakfast!!!!!!!! He asked me if I would help him with his laundry this week since he missed the uniform guy last week and he had a road trip to Michigan this week and would not be back til Friday. So he just left here (btw, it's around 10:00am on Sunday here) He will be returning with his laundry. This is also huge because H has only asked me to help him with this 5-6 times in almost 6 years.

The whole time H was here this weekend, you could see him in comfort. He pulled the rocking chair right up to the wood stove and was in complete relaxation and happy. This was always one of my goals that H would feel this way in our home again. Last evening we all stayed up late chatting in front of the fire and we all felt good about the company. It was wonderful!!

I am hopeful that this is a new turning point. I will remain very hopeful without expectations. I think that I have done this right by leaving him alone to navigate through his own choices while I also have given H the knowledge that he is still wanted and welcome.

This has been an extreme journey for us, Cas. I am sure it's not over yet. I know that they do not want to lose us. They are in constant struggles as to making the right decision. These OW are not the right decision and they know it, what they are is a deterrent from their troubles and they are disposable. I have always believed that our H's want what they had. They have to feel safe and secure and without risk to reconsider changing their minds, when in reality it took them a really long time to decided to leave in the first place.

Yesterday your H was looking at you and home with an eagle's eye. AND, yes in a few days he will attempt to look again. Your H is not happy with his new found situation. Cas, prepare for that next attempt. What day is the next driving lesson. OH and 4 hours out with D, WOW!!! He was in no hurry to go home!!!!!

Son needs me, going to go for now......I hope I have left you with a new hope, I know what you really want You can make it happen, think about how.....

Thinking of you with warm (((((hugs)))))

Sanderika