I just don't think you guys and gals realize what a mess I created here
. If there is one group in the world that understands this, it is this one!!
Listen up FOBD,
I am not here to sugar coat or tell you what a great job you are doing.
Have you done a DB session with a coach?
You always bring my sitch up but I will tell you one thing, I am FAR from out of the woods. I've heard their is a way out of the woods but I am so deep in it that I don't know yet.
I'll tell you a little something.......If I feel I have gone dark too long with my W I will reach out to her. Every W is different and every sicth is different.
I understand about pressure. I also understand that if my W always perceived me as indifferent and lacking emotions and I act as if I am totally ok with her departure.
What is the message I am sending?
She needed to know I understood why she left and I was not angry with her. Go to my last two threads and read. I called my W back to let her know that I was truly sorry for the damage I had done. This opened up an entire week of comms.
I don't think sometimes you realize the mountain I must climb. I am swimming towards the shore in the middle of a rip current.
Everyone deals with things differently and I know you have had a rough week and drinking takes away some of the sorrow.....for that moment, until you get home and realize you are alone and start to feel like sh!t. You are constantly setting yourself up. It's like an ambush on yourself.
I think I told you I have avoided alcohol like the plague since my W left. The few times I have drank (this Friday being one) I began to sober up before I even left the bar. I know what will happen if I get drunk. I will call my W in tears and beg her to come home. She in turn will sit on the phone with me listening and calming me down. In the morning all the progress I made will be gone.
Another thing I see is you carrying quite a bit of guilt. Let me tell you something. Two are M and BOTH of you played a role in the breakdown of the M, BOTH. The only difference is that you have taken the time to find out and learn what your role was and when you start to see your role the guilt comes in.
You are missing a step...
Wwhy you acted this way. You are not some rare human life form FOBD if you where then this community would be very lonely for you. It would be you and dmod talking. Look at how many people are in the canoe floating down the sh!t river looking for a paddle.
Knowing that there is so many of us should lead you to try and understand why you said the things you said and why you acted a certain way. When you see you are not an alien life form your guilt will start to disappear.
I think that is why Denver suggested you read the article on FB, it gives you an understanding of how men think and act. If my W was to read it her resentment would be diminished because she would understand me a little better. Don’t stop there, the article is good but continue to find yourself so that you can stop blaming yourself
